


I just wanted my suffrage.

by Dr_Mini_Me



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, F/M, Nazis, Not sure if he'll be a dom, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Super Soldier Serum, Woman's suffrage, and there we begin, pickets the white house, probably, slight AU, slight humour, starts in 1917 when she is 19, suffragette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:55:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Mini_Me/pseuds/Dr_Mini_Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Suffragette by the name of Lillian is taken into custody for picketing the white house in 1917. She dies soon after only to find that shes very much alive, naked, and cold on a slab in the mortuary. Skip over 100 years, one college degree, and here she is, staring at a suspicious looking blonde guy that's just moved in across the hall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Vivian...I'm afraid." I was whispering for fear the guards would hear us talking in our confinements. There was talk that we were to be let free soon but not enough to truly change our plan. I curled farther into myself on the single mattress and blanket we were given on the floor. Dark cement walls rolled up into the ceiling with a single, barred, window.

Vivian Lionhurst had organized our picketing on suffrage in front of the White house six days a week as of January, 1917. She was exactly as her name alluded, a lioness. She'd been in a position quite like this before but in England, where she'd broken into a Lord Mayor's hall and screamed votes for woman at the top of her lungs with shoes and broken glass. She was someone to be admired. Admired enough that I'd been apart of the Silent Sentinels for a good long while now, since I'd met Vivian.

"Nonsense. We'll be too weak, they'll take us to the hospital and there we shall begin the true protest." Her voice whispered back through the damp stones. We were here for obstructing traffic for now and Mr President Wilson Woodrow had only lengthened our jail time as we kept picketing and choosing the jail over the fines. It'd started with a pardon that we refused, then it went to a 10 pound fine, then 25 pound fine and now we were here for 60 days. I heard a key turn in the door near by and assumed it was time to begin our plan as it was almost time to be released again into the rest of the workhouse.

I looked across at Vivian and nodded, I could do this. This was for us. For all of us. Vivian felt the time in jail brought legitimacy to our cause that we did not have otherwise. No one took us at our word, of course. Everyone thought of us as disloyal traitors, protesting in the middle of a war.

"Supper time, ladies." Our warden came along, looking utterly put out with this news as he fished out keys from his pocket.

"Lionhurst. Get. Up. Now." He opened the door to Vivian's cell first, banging on the bars before he walked in. She did not move for she couldn't bring herself to do so anymore. We'd been fed strictly bread and water for days now in solitary confinement and it seemed it'd finally taken it's toll like she'd wanted.

"Prooms?" He spun around, heading for my cell next as I closed my eyes quickly, feigning sleep and begging that nothing could be given away. He banged on the rails but I did not stir. He seemed to growl like a frustrated beast before yelling two more men's names to come take us to the hospital of the Occoquan Workhouse. I was thrown roughly over a man's shoulder as though I was nothing more than a sack of potatoes. If they'd hoped this confinement and diet would break our spirit, they were wrong. We would prevail, there was strength in numbers.

We were carried roughly and tossed onto a cot in the hospital. This was the second phase of the plan, we would now go on hunger strike. Vivian waited until the guards had walked away before she sat up slowly, looking around at all the woman near her.

"Today we continue the fight for women's rights!" She began rallying the other weak women from their slumber as she spoke. These were some that were just like us, fighting the good fight. Many saw us disloyal considering here we were fighting and protesting whilst the men were at war.

"Democracy should begin at home but here, we shall start again!" She continued, even trying to move her arm in some action. She really hadn't a need to as the other women were now rallying together, nodding to each other.

"We shall not eat their food until the fight is won! We will continue!" She'd gained the weak applause that came with a diet of bread and water for so long.

"We will continue!" I joined her, though weak as I felt, this was a cause that was larger than me or any of us.

"They cannot ignore us!" She yelled, gaining power from the spirit in the plain room. It was a world wide cause, worth all the pain so that others could live on with liberty and freedom. This strike lasted for perhaps a a day or two before tubes were shoved down our throats and we were forced to eat. But that did not stop us. No, it was in the following months that truly stopped me for a while, November 14th, 1917.

* * *

"MR PRESIDENT. HOW LONG MUST WE WAIT FOR DEMOCRACY?" We stood outside the white house again, picketing...again. I was in charge of the group of women, Vivian was needed by her grandfather at this time.

"Miss Prooms. You and you group of men here are being put under arrest." An officer came close, as we picketed, he was joined by 5 others that I'd assumed were here to take all 33 of us to jail for obstructing traffic yet again.

"On what charge?" I raised a brow, dropping another page of Wilson's speeches into the fire in front of me. We all knew that it was simply for the picketing but that went against the freedoms we still had.

"You are obstructing traffic." He tightened his lips as he watched me burn each page. He reached for me as I took a step back into another man's grasp. I wrestled until they locked the shackles on me and pulled me along.

I went kicking and screaming all the obscenities my lungs could handle though they would no longer be able to do so in a day. We were taken back to the Occoquan Workhouse and separated. Then began the Night of Terror, November 14th. 1917. I heard a thud that sound peculiarly like a body running into something metal, then a feminine scream that sounded like Harriet. Thats when I began to panic.

"No. Nonono." I started to kick, trying to slow down the two men that were dragging me down the hall. I knew this one, I was about to have a tube stuffed down my throat now.

"I REFUSE. I AM _NOT_ GOI-" I was squawking and pulling my arms all around like an antagonized bird. I'd swung myself just enough to force the one on my left to stumble slightly. It only served to make him angry. He caught his balance again and stopped the other, turning to me.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared him in the eyes. "You want to be treated like a man? Then you shall be." I didn't process what he'd meant or the smile that creeped onto his face until I felt myself being flung. I put my hands out a second too late, bouncing off the wall like an old rag-doll. Everything spun in circles as I was taken down the stairs but I could feel my feet dropping then being stopped, over and over again. How far down into cellar were we going? And why?

"What is this?" I whispered as I was still dragged but now into a larger room. My voice would have echoed if it were not for the number of nurses and doctors that were running around.

"Your treatment." The angry one muttered as he pulled me towards a metal seat.

"Y-you can't do this to me." I remembered exactly why I was resisting a little too late, I was already in the seat. I was swarmed by men and women, one pushed down my head as another strapped down my leg, I couldn't process it all at once. I pulled my arm away as four people push it back down and at once everyone stepped away.

"What are you going to do to me?" I tried to force my voice to stay shake free but it wasn't working. I was terrified. This wasn't the same room I'd been forced into before, I didn't recognize these faces.

"Just to run a few tests, don't worry. I'm sure you'll be able to endure it, Lillian Prooms. " The angry one nodded, from his position. I didn't reply, for once. Instead I watched with the feeling of a lack of air starting in my lungs.

"Sir...its not ready quite yet." I watched a younger man in a white coat pass by him carrying a case, everything inside of it clicked together. He spoke with something of an accent but I didn't understand what kind...in fact both of them did.

"Well now you have another subject. Get to it, Mr Erskine." He motioned towards me as I stared wide eyed at the brown haired man. He seemed to sigh but set the box on a table near by. I think I may pass out at this rate. He opened it, revealing a milky blue substance in syringes.

"Please." I was at the level of begging this man when he turned, brandishing a vial. He seemed to only be able to frown as he came closer and closer until he pressed it into my shoulder. It burned as if the devil's hell fire were feeding it into my body, everything blurred for a few seconds. I blinked a bit, just now noticing that I was truly panicking now. Another prick and another burn, and then another, and another, and another until I could feel my heart beginning to skip a beat.

"She's not breathing!" The same man from before, Erskine, was rushing around me but everything had slammed to a halt.

"I told you it was not ready!" He sounded afraid.

"Is there something you can do?!" The angry man was yelling now.

"Well I mean...there is something but it was done with a dog." He seemed to dismiss the idea as my world began to turn blacker and blacker. "W-we could use electricity." He was hesitant but panicked all the same. It dawned on me that they _could_ do this. I was a nobody. I had no husband nor children and my own parents had disowned me for the fight I had chosen.

This was it. I was going to perish at the hands of these men for picketing the white house. Vivian would never know what happened to me, I doubted anyone would know. I could feel my chest convulse and jump, it hurt me even more. It happened again and again as my eyes closed and I went to sleep, for the last time.

* * *

I smelled something absolutely awful when I awoke. Something along the lines of formaldehyde and...fire? No. Ash. It smelled like a wood burning fire. I felt cold despite the smell. I sat up quickly, making eye contact with another man, this time wearing a suit. He stared back at me with the same amount of terror that I felt at the moment. I was naked and staring at a man I'd never met in my life.

"Why am I unclothed?" I demanded to know with a sharp voice. His eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed, good grief. I looked around as I stepped off the slab, quickly backing away. I bumped into a desk as I spanned around, other naked bodies were laying on the slabs...I'm in a mortuary. I looked back to the desk at the files scattered across the wood covered in coffee stains. I plucked up a file that read out _Lillian A. Prooms_ and scanned the page.

_1\. Place of Death: Occoquan Workhouse_

_City: Occoquan_

_State: Virginia_

_Full Name: Lillian Agatha Prooms_

_2\. Sex: Female_

_3\. Race: White_

_4\. Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Blue_

_Date of birth: May 17th, 1898_

_Cause of death was as follows:_

_Heart failure in the left ventricle_

_Filed: November 19th, 1917_

I felt my breath catch in my chest as I stared at the page. How could I possibly have died? I was breathing right now! I was here. I looked back to the man and then to my slab where a red serge dress laid. I had to assume this was the dress I was to be buried in. I needed proper clothes but this would do for now. I could just try to suck in my waist myself.


	2. Chapter 2

I kept my head down and my skirts covering my feet as I went past men who gave me a second glance. I didn't like that bit but it was entirely strange for a women to be here in a mortuary of all places in a bright red dress. It wasn't proper. Only the dead were meant to wear such colors and here I was. I should have been dead. The question was, why wasn't I dead?

I looked back as I realised I'd left the mortuary some time ago but I was now in the middle of traffic. How'd I get out here such speed? Oh I've attracted attention. I tried to walk slowly towards the side of the road, the area that I was _supposed_ to be in like a normal woman.

I'm realising that I'm moving much faster than I'd meant to. _That_ attracted attention. I felt a tap on my shoulder and spun around quickly to see an officer of the law standing behind me, looking suspicious. I barely remembered his face but it seemed that he'd remembered mine.

"Miss Prooms?" He tilted his head, taking me in. I nodded slowly.

"Can I help you, sir?" I raised a brow, looking back at him while trying to cover my still bare feet on the cement with my skirts, they'd gotten shorter in these past few years from the war and a lack of material but I still hoped.

"Where are you off too?" He took a step closer as I took one back quickly. I felt as though he was suspicious of me, closing the distance between us and holding his baton at the ready.

"Home." I replied loftily, scanning his person with my eyes. He didn't believe me but I knew this man, he'd carried me off for 'obstructing traffic' many times before. I must have been transported back to D.C. Wonderful.

"Oh really?" He took another step closer as I took another back. I didn't like this man.

"I really must be on my way now." I nodded to him and turned to walk away when I felt something metal being slapped over my wrist. I spun my head back to see an iron shackle, really?

"What on earth am I under arrest for _now_?" I inquired incredulously.

"For escapin' prison, ma'am." He spoke grimly. I scoffed as he went to pull me forwards and I pulled back. It took me a second to realise he'd actually be pulled forwards to only an inch in front of me. Oh my. He looked about as shock as I was, staring at each other for a second before I pulled at the shackle once again. I head a pop and looked down to see that it'd snapped in my hands. Oh wow.

"What..." He sounded just as confused as I but not nearly as amazed. I was strong. Very strong. I took a quick step back as he reached forwards for me, trying to pull me back.

"Please, sir-Just! Don't you dare touch me like that!" I was fighting him the entire time, trying to take a few steps back and pushed against him as he pulled out his weapon when he'd landed on the ground. I knew that gun, a .32 caliber revolver. Was he going to shoot me?

"Sir!" I was outraged as he raised the revolver to my stomach. I took a step forwards right as I watched him press down on the trigger. Oh, holy hell. My body shook as it dove through me, slicing up my innards. I put my hand over the wound with wide eyes and an open mouth as I took in the side of blood. My breath caught in my throat as I thought this was the end, yet again. He stumbled to his feet quickly at the sound of feminine scream that wasn't my own. I looked to the right of us, across the street, at a pale blonde woman around my age and her child.

The wound throbbed through me but I could feel the blood running down. Who knew I'd bleed that _much_ in only a few seconds?

"Oh god. We must have a doctor." He took off his coat, pressing it to the wound as he pulled me towards his body. I could feel his arm around my back through the layers and the lack of corset, this simply would not do.

"Miss Prooms, please. We need to get you to a doctor! IS THERE A DOCTOR HERE?" He pulled me back as I tried to pull away. It didn't really hurt that much anymore. I tried to look through his twisted coat at my skin.

"I'm a doctor!" A blonde man came running towards us as people began to crowd. Oh for goodness sake's. I pushed back the jacket and found red skin, there was no hole. No anything at all. Merely a hole in my dress and fresh blood around it.

I pulled away entirely at this point as he reached us, kneeling down to open his black bag. I'm not fond of men in white coats these days...nor men in uniforms at all. I'd have rather been put into a cell with thieves again. Bloody bastards. All of 'em.

The coat was pulled away as the doctor looked at my stomach. "Shes...perfectly fine." He frowned looking to me then to the officer who looked just as confused as he did before. This was new. I'd never been shot before but apparently...this was something that occurred.

"I really must go now." I hurried away, picking up my skirts as I ran for my house on Clifton Street in Columbia Heights.

When I entered I'd realised that everything was louder in here, much louder than I thought it'd ever been in the past. There was something wrong with me and I was about to find out exactly what but first, I need to find Vivian and get reacquainted with our cause. Not much had changed except people obviously knew I was meant to be in prison.

* * *

I knocked on Vivian's door and waited. She should be home but I wasn't always sure. I'd tried my best not to attract attention, wearing a large hat to cover most of my face and a plain white cotton dress with black lace. I hadn't attracted much attention so far but I'd seen newspapers when I passed through.

I'd apparently become a ghost of sorts, a mention from the Funeral Director when he'd first seen me and then the officer who'd shot me himself, this _was_ the progressive era. I supposed lunatics in the papers was just as progressive.

Lovely. Just. Lovely.

"...Lilly?" Vivian's face peaked out at me a I realised she'd opened the door.

"Hello." I greeted her with a small smile. She looked pale then she looked rather annoyed.

"You're meant to be serving a jail sentence. How is anyone to take us seriously when we're not doing the time." She opened the door fully, scolding me. "And whats this nonsense about you having died?" At this point I was ushered into the house, quiet and chilly for November.

"I don't know, I swear it. I just..woke up naked and confused." I frowned, following her through the cold house to doors to her drawing room. It was warm in here, a crackling fire on the far left.

"What the papers say is true then?" She looked rather taken aback as she began to poor tea into two little cups.

"What do they say?" I furrowed my brow. I knew they spoke of me as though I were a ghost but it was quite obvious that I _wasn't_ a ghost.

"That you died and were reborn." She started to laugh at that, I felt a smile through my own face as I looked back at hers.

"Nonsense. Utter nonsense." I shook my head, smiling still.

"Now then, back to business. You know you must go back for those 60 days, Lilly." She put her hand on my clothed thigh as I sighed but nodded.

"I do. Will you keep the house for me while I'm away?" I looked back to her, putting a hand over hers. She squeezed mine but nodded silently. We had our moments though as romantic as they seemed, they were not to last. She was a busy women and it was absolutely unheard of for two women to exist together in anything other than a friendship. I accepted that much for now and stood.

"Well I must go get myself caught again." I grinned and tipped my hat to her. She stood as well, walking with me to the door.

She looped her arm around mine as we walked slowly. "I'm sure you won't have that much trouble." She was teasing me. I rolled my eyes but nodded nonetheless, handing her the keys to my home in Colombia Heights.

"See you." I nodded to her as we separated and I continued down the stairs.

"Oh! Lilly. Some representatives from the Woman's Christian Temperance Union will be picketing with us next week if you're some how out of the Workhouse by then." She smiled softly back at me.

"Lets hope not." I tipped my hat to her and off I went into the streets.

I strolled at first, taking in the sights and smells before coming to stop in front of the damned White house yet again. One day this would all be over and we would win, but until then, we must fight. I caught the eye of an officer that was younger than the others, I hadn't met him before. He must be new. What an adorable looking face, just wait until he sees what I'm about to do.

"WOMEN'S RIGHTS! WITHOUT EXTINCTION IS LIBERTY!" I cupped my hands around my mouth and screamed it, startling the poor soul and his elders. Today was meant to be a day that we weren't protesting, a Sunday in fact. Oh well. I'd be arrested for protesting whether it was Sunday or not.

"For crying out loud...Grab her!" The grumbly one motioned for the boy to do so.

"MR PRESIDENT, HOW LONG MUST WOMEN WAIT FOR LIBERTY?"I began to jog slowly and found it was actually hard for him to catch up which led to the other two officers running after me as well. I'd almost begun to laugh when I realized I was actually trying to go back to jail. Oops. I stopped abruptly which left the three men to run into my frame, falling on my back, head and legs at once.

"Good god." I muttered, not even fighting back. I was surprised I could still breath but said nothing more as they all rolled off of me in what I'd imagine to be quite a sight...If I was not staring into the grass already.

* * *

The workhouse had not changed but my cell had. I was put back in solitary after starting a hunger strike yet again on the 30th day of our imprisonment, christmas Eve in fact. The women were in quite the state of abuse when I came back so willingly. One had a gash going across her forehead while another had a black eye. I'd even heard that one had endured a concussion, her cell mate had a heart attack.

My girls were in a serious state of disrepair and that little fact angered me, it took around 5 to 8 guards to all jump me at once when I'd been told how this had happened to them. I was stronger, that much was for sure, but I didn't sleep as long and I found embroidery bored me even more than it once had with my mother.

"Miss Prooms." I recognized that voice. I looked up to spot the guard that had taken me down to the basement before and stood up quickly, reaching for his throat.

"What did you do to me?" I hissed, not even truly realising I was assaulting an officer at this point but he'd come alone and there was no one else here to stop me.

"You...you were supposed to die." He grounded out, starting to try and ply away my fingers from his throat.

"Why?" I furrowed my brow, glowering at him.

"The serum was only in a testing phase and we needed..." He ran out of breath, scraping at my hands. I let go of him all at once, taking my hand back. "We needed subjects to test the effects. We thought you'd died, as it turns out...maybe you're actually quite valuable to us." He began to smirk, his american accent slipped back into something of another that I hadn't heard in the past. I didn't like it.

"Not in your life." I snorted, shaking my head and taking a few steps back.

"I think you'll change your mind after a few sessions." He smirked taking a step back as another man joined him, this was the same brown haired one that had helped him drag me to the basement before. I held up a hand, stopping them both as one went for the keys.

"What do you mean?" I looked between them as the oddly accented one merely smirked and waited for the other to unlock the gates.

"You'll see." He nodded as they pulled back the gates and took a step into my cell, my back was already against a wall. I have no where to go.

"I'm not coming quietly unless you tell me." I dared, sizing them up as they took up the rest of the space in my cell. I could...probably take them. Probably.

"You'll be committed to an asylum then, Miss Prooms." The first one spoke again as I stared at them then glanced down to the blanket and pillow. I had to guess he'd seen what I was thinking about doing and cursed myself for not being more subtle about it.

"Since you make such a _convincing_ argument, Mr..." I snapped, sticking out my wrists to be bound together.

"Halles." He finished not moving to clink anything onto my wrists. "Those won't be necessary...I expect you'll come along nicely now." He smirked, motioning for me to go first. I let my hands fall back to my sides and strode forwards with my head-held high. His friend was quiet but watchful. Each time I changed the pace, he tensed.

We walked for ages it felt like before we came to what appeared to be a laundry room. Halles tossed a dress towards me that was easier to catch than I expected. "Where are we going?"

"Out, Madame. You're needed elsewhere." He nodded to me as though that was meant to be a signal to change. I raised a brow, sharing a look with the quieter one and waited for them to leave and give me some privacy. He finally did, allowing me to slip on the simple gown and shoes.

"Right. Shall we then?" I sighed following along behind Halles. I had a feeling that I was about to be swept away from D.C or America as a whole for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts 1917 then we jump to approximately 1933, the fall of Wall Street and Hitler's rise to power until he became chancellor. Steve will be along soon c: Though I can't decide if I'll have her working beside him or wait til Avenger's time.
> 
> Aber...Sie ist ein kinder: But...she is a child.
> 
> Ich weiß. Sie wird perfekt: I know. She will be perfect.
> 
> Sie muss zuerst Schlafen: She must first sleep
> 
> Everything after the car scene is essentially in German and I've tried to keep to the translations into English so it may sound odd but if it were literally translated, thats the format of the sentences.

"Where are we going?" I grinded my teeth as the two men were joined by three more, all staring at me suspiciously as I was at them. I didn't trust these men, all of my alarm bells were ringing non-stop since we'd left the Workhouse. I wasn't sure how long we'd traveled but I wasn't having much more, I felt sick to my stomach.

"Germany, Frau Prooms." Halles' accent had fallen through entirely, making me stare at him for a minute or two.

"Come again?" I raised a brow staring at the five men in front of me. The blonde on the far left looked between Halles and I with a bit of worry in his features.

"Aber...Sie ist ein kinder." He sounded angry but worried at the same time, I stared at them for a second. Was that German? Am I about to fight American men now?

"Ich weiß. Sie wird perfekt." Halles responded just as angry sounding. I have no idea what on earth they were saying but it didn't seem to be all that good as the other three men were still staring at me or nodding. I was ushered to step onto the wing of the plane and somehow hoist myself over? Not today, bastards.

"I'm not going on there." I planted my feet, shaking my head at the blonde man trying to rush me along.

"Sie muss zuerst Schlafen." The one on the ground yelled to us as I stood there with the blonde man's hands wrapped around my arms. I was starting to worry as the others on the ground began to bicker amongst themselves. I heard the sound of glass clinking behind my back and turned to face the blonde right as he jabbed yet another syringe into my arm, it was warm and tingly this time.

I furrowed my brow as I stared up at this oddly blonde man and the world began to seem almost...rose coloured. Everything was warm and I didn't particularly care whether or not I got on this plane.

"Frau Prooms, please step into the plane." Blondie motioned for me to move and so I did. I slide into the odd seats as he stood in front of me, strapping me in within the tiny bit of space that we had. He yelled something more to the other men who nodded and hurried along, disappearing under the plane. Everything sort of blurred from here on out, the air felt thin but every time I began to struggle I was pricked, I couldn't fight back. I was bounded into my rickety chair whether I liked it or not.

I found that we'd crash landed at some point into France, I wanted to say maybe a day or two. I wasn't sure, I found that I'd blink and time would change rapidly from day to night, from sun to snow. I survived of course, laying face up in the wreckage with his buddies and Halles running over to investigate the flight. They were still far away, they hadn't even landed...I could escape.

I got up and made a run for it, breeze hitting me in the face as I hiked up my dress between my legs and hauled it across an open field...I didn't get very far. I could run fast but I wasn't bullet proof and apparently they had machine guns attached to _their_ rickety planes. The sheer force of being turned into a holey old dress had me flat on the ground until they landed.

I was jerked up from the ground by my elbows while they tied my hands together again and I was escorted to another plane. I stopped in front of the black and red plane, finding an excuse as to why I couldn't be in it any longer.

"Theres not enough space for me and you four." I declared triumphantly. Halles took a slow look at me then to the other three men.

"It appears as though you're right." He nodded with his tone light. I nodded defiantly, happy with my plan as he pulled out his weapon and fired at the brown haired one closet to him. **BANG BANG** and his body flopped to the side, lifeless and bleeding. Bloody hell. I'm stuck with lunatics.

My mouth fell open as I clapped my hands over my mouth. Surely we'd give him a good burying, right? He probably deserved that. I almost screamed but shut my mouth just in time to keep it to a mildly sharp inhale. I was in shock. I'd never seen a dead man before in my life. I didn't want to speak and I didn't want to fight back with Halles anymore, the man belonged in an insane asylum.

We took off again and I said nothing like an idiot. I stared forwards through the goggles and the clothes, saying absolutely nothing. He didn't deserve to die. Why would I speak up? Holy hell. Could they kill me? Could I even _die_? Have I been cursed for picketing? Why would God mind if I picketed?

* * *

"W-where are we going now?" I whispered as we came to what appeared to be an air field gauging by all the planes and men running around. I stuck out like a sore thumb, a women on an airfield during a war. We passed under a large sign that read "Flugplatz Kitzingen" and into a large building that almost reminded me of a gigantic barn.

"Wir fahren nach München." He looked back at me expectantly as I stared at him.

"What?" I raised a brow, tilting my head.

"We are traveling to Munich. It would do you well to learn German, Miss Prooms." He rolled his eyes and motioned for me to forwards into a black car with the door open. I stepped inside hesitantly, sitting down as he closed the door, leaning on it. "You'll need it." He smirked, going around the car and getting into the driver's seat.

* * *

I don't remember much from 1917 outside of that journey and training, so much training. I fought with everyone they could find. I was brushed up on German, learning the accent of the people surrounding me until it sounded like I was a native German.

Then came the days of hardship, the economic fines for the Great War Germany had taken part of. People were angry with America and the Chancellor. We had no weapons, no food, no money, no anything. The Deutsche mark was worth nothing, no. It was worth less than nothing. A loaf of bread was worth 200,000,000,000 Marks, no one could live off of this.

But then we hit a break, around 1924, I was told that we were coming back up. This was when my own company, HYRDA, came back into power...well _the_ company. I had no choice but to be apart of it while they ran experiments on my growth, sleep, eating habits, and other so called necessities. Some days I wondered what Vivian was doing. If she'd missed me or if she was still fighting for our rights. Our fight hadn't even just been about a vote, it'd been about so much more. An identity outside of a home, a life to be made for ourselves. Not the man we married...not that I'd ever marry. I had a feeling my destiny was to spend my life in here with all these odd women and men for every meeting.

"Lillian." I looked back to the blonde women I'd come to know as Sylvia Müller, a Countess of some sort. I had little patience for the lot of them as I raised a brow for her to repeat her question.

"Do you recall Mr Hitler?" She motioned to an awkward looking brown haired man who nodded sharply to me. He sat across from her, on the other end of a long glass and wood table, it was ornate looking. Perfect for the Deutsches Opernhaus or simply put, the German Opera house.

"You will be protecting him as the time comes. He will need it after we start the Tesseract plans." She nodded with meaning in her voice. I knew him at the head of the _Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei_ or the National Socialist German Workers' Party. He'd become Chancellor earlier this year, according to Halles.

"I will protect him with my life." I bowed my head in a bit of a sigh. This was my new mission in life apparently, as long as it kept me from being shot up with their stupid serum again, I was fine with it. They'd kept doing that to me, to see if the effect's changed. All I know is that it hurt like hell and that I hadn't grown from 163 centimeters for the last 16 years. I was a fine tuned machine at this point but I strived to keep my humanity with me, to keep my hopes alive that I'd either die someday or that I'd be rescued.

She looked happy..ish, as she nodded to me to turn back to their discussion. I was bored most times here, they all spoke of a portal to another world and a Hive. I didn't care. I'd lost all manner of care after I'd shot my second man. When I was trained, I was trained with the intent of death to either myself or to the other person. They made that entirely clear when I was almost turned into ash in 1917 when we'd crashed in France.

I tuned back in as I realised that the meeting was over, I was to follow Hitler now. Fair enough, perhaps he'd be a little more interesting than Sylvia. What a dull women. Hitler fell into step with me quickly, not saying anything at first. Though I could feel his eyes on the side of my face big time.

"So you're the new toy everyone talks about." His tone was light but I knew from the past that this didn't always mean they were amused.

"I'm not very new Chancellor." I shrugged, slanting a look at him then looking forwards again.

"We shall see. You'll resume your schedule, only accompany me when I ask and most of all, remain two meters away from me at all times." His tone turned serious then dark as I realised we were far to close for his tastes. Biting back a sigh, I side stepped over and said nothing else. He was...odd. Most of HYDRA's members were odd but he...he had a sense of a man that was never quite over his childhood.

* * *

"Again. You will be protecting the leader, Lillian. Now is not the time for fun." Halles stood on the side as I essentially danced around the man in the center of the room. He wasn't German, there was something different about him that they'd send him to his death with me wielding the scythe. It hurt to do this but it had to be done. It was either I killed him or they shot him and me.

"Yes, sir." I sighed turning back to face the brown haired man that jumped at me, trying to take my legs out from under me. He wrapped his arms around my hips and pushed us both down, flipping to grab my throat and squeezing. I stared at his brown eyes for a second before I frowned and switched us again, I straddled him and gripped his head in my hands. I whispered a prayer in English to myself as I spun his head quickly to the right and heard the snap of his spinal cord breaking off.

"Be quicker about it next time." Halles shook his head as I stepped off the mats, allowing his scientists to take my heart rate and whatever else they wanted from me. I looked up from the doctor's gadgets to find a water bottle being held in the air towards me.

I raised a brow as I looked between it and Halles who smirked, "You have never lost your suspicions of me." He remarked almost fondly.

"You made _such_ a lasting impression." I drawled, holding my arm out for the doctors to remove the band of fabric from my arm.

"Have I?" He looked mockingly surprised as he waved the bottle at me again. I took it this time, disrupting the doctors as they huffed but continued on with their ministrations.

I felt a pinch and glared as I realised they'd stuck yet another syringe of their idiotic blue serum into my arm. "Why?" I hissed, retracting my arm from them. It burned then fizzled out quickly, leaving me with annoyance.

"This is a new formula. So far you are the only one to survive any of it." The tallest one shrugged at me, like that was perfectly normal. It made me mad.

"You are just testing things out on me?" I glared pushing one back as he went in with a disinfectant pad, stalking towards the tallest doctor. The other one landed on his bottom with an oomph. "Why would you do that? What if that _kills_ me?" I snapped, pushing over the stool with all their tools on it. It crashed with a great metallic bang, scattering scalpels, gauges, and glass bottles of alcohol that shattered. I was angry with him and I was finished with their idiotic tests and tools.

"I-it was just a test, Miss Prooms." German usually sounded so angry to me, but now it sounded scared. Pathetic. I hated this man. I hated them all.

I felt a screech erupt from my throat as I lurched forwards to gouge his eyes out but I was caught by two hands going under my arms to hold me back as I stretched forwards as much as I could to get at this _idiot_.

"Lillian! Restrain yourself!" Halles voice thundered behind me through my haze of pure rage. Fear snuck it's way into my system as I felt another pinch and began to lose control of most of my own extremities. They weren't quite numb, it was more like pins and needles radiated my fingers and hands but I couldn't move them to get rid of the feeling. This was new, I hadn't felt like this before...I don't like it.

My legs fell out from under me, Halles brought me to the floor slowly with my head against his shoulder. I was staring up at the ceiling with confusion. What did they _do_ to me? I can't move. I don't like this.

"I think it would be best to not give her that serum again, Doctor." Halles reprimanded the doctors as I continued to stare forwards, his body vibrated as he spoke. It was the only movement that I could do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1935 then 1945, wanna guess whose showing up next chapter? c: Also! The speech excerpts are not mine, they actually are apart of the Nuremberg Speeches for the Nuremberg Laws. (They're owned by Hitler)

"Remember to keep your distance, woman." Hitler wasn't in a good mood it seemed. That wasn't exactly rare so I simply nodded and took another step back, I was already disguised as a man in my own black suit, boots, and hat. At first he'd resisted a women following him around to keep him safe, then he watched a training session.

We stood behind a couple of doors with other people on the side, waiting for him to announce his antisemitic laws. He'd begun his reign of terror already, restricting jobs and intermarrying. HYDRA continued to say this was only the beginning but that they must wait before sliding the rest of the the people into his ideal society. 1935, September 15th...it had begun, the limiting of freedoms and liberty. It made me angry not angry enough to risk myself and the thousands that stood in front of us with their pads of papers and pencils or children and their toys.

"Today we see the new era beginning. Today! We have made a stride for all of Germany. We see the Law for the Protection of German Blood and German Honour! And! the Reich Citizenship Law! Only true Germans are here today! Russia planned a world revolution and German workmen would be used but as cannon-fodder for Bolshevist imperialism. But we National Socialists do not wish that our military resources should be employed to impose by force on other peoples what those peoples themselves do not want. Our army does not..." His speech voice was always mildly interesting. He was nearly expressionless but his voice...it held qualities of power and of dignity. It jumped to leave an impression even if it was in German.

This was a shorter speech so I surveyed the crowd. They were almost in a froth with admiration for this awkward man. I knew his rise to power had a _lot_ to do with HYDRA but I didn't understand how the German people fell for this...well. They'd been starving, dying, and angry. They would have fallen for anything.

"The brutal mass slaughters of National Socialist fighters, the burning of the wives of National Socialist officers after petrol had been poured over them, the massacre of children and of babies of National Socialist parents, e.g. in Spain, are intended to serve as a warning to forces in other lands which represent views akin to those of National Socialism..." Good grief, he was pulling at the heart strings now. Lovely.

This was just to smooth it over when he began to assist Franco in the Spanish Civil War that was _also_ the doing of HYDRA. I was again reminded of their slogan, "Cut one head and two more will grow." it appeared that these heads were Hitler and Franco for now. They couldn't seriously be continued after so long...probably.

I saw him do his little Heil signal with his hand as he turned and went back inside, the crowds went bloody wild to return his signal with gusto. He never did the full hand in the air signal, which was just as well considering I never did it.

"Where to next, leader?" I queried as I followed behind him, hands behind my back.

"We must prepare for Spain, of course. The early bird catches the worm." He declared, walking down the carpeted hallway to out of the building. We were on the road again then, wonderful. I hate the car rides.

* * *

"Again, Halles?" I sighed, wiping the sweat off my brow as I stood up from the training mats. He'd been my trainer for the last 18 years, going on 19, I was officially 37 years old but I know I didn't look it. I hadn't grown or aged since I was infected with their serum according to the scientists and doctors that surrounding me like rats. I almost wished that it'd killed me all those years ago.

"You may take a break." He rolled his eyes, throwing a bottle of water my direction. I caught it easily and opened it, taking a sip. I'd begun to forget what life was like in America. I couldn't recall what my father's face looked like the day I left home to go join my Women's suffrage cause I just knew he'd be angry or disappointed. He'd be 19 years older now considering his birthday had been in June and it was already December. Life must have moved on without me in America.

"Halles." I looked back to the brown haired man that had both ruined my life and prolonged it exponentially. He was always serious looking, brown eyes with a tight mouth and narrowed eyes. He raised a brow, not actually answering my call.

"What are you called?" I tilted my head, looking at him. He looked genuine taken aback as he processed my question.

"Luke. My name is Luke." His mouth tightened when he answered. I realised his eyes had roamed and so had he apparently, turning abruptly away to speak to one of the rats in white coat about my progress.

"Prooms, follow me." He gave me a rough hand gesture and started down the rounded hallway. Sometimes I felt we were in a bomb shelter, and that could have been very likely given HYDRA's propensity for paranoia.

We came into a larger room whose walls were lined with some form of technology I hadn't paid attention to before, large metal boxes and strings of metal were everywhere. In the center stood the same doctor that I'd remembered from the Workhouse in Virginia.

He looked meek now, holding his case to his front and frowning at me. I'm sure I was quite the sight, sweaty and wearing men's clothes. Another man stood next to him, taller and more grim looking with black hair that had been shaven down and blue eyes. His shoulder bore the Nazi swastika, reminding me of where I was.

The tall man smiled at us as we came into the room. I stopped beside Halles and waited for a command of some sort. "Doctor Erskine. How kind of you to join us from the Swiss border." Halles greeted both the doctor and the tall man that I'd come to realise was Johann Schmidt.

I'd seen him at multiple meetings with Hitler's commanders. He was important to the leader because Hitler share a passion for occult power and Teutonic myth. Hitler used his fantasies to inspire his followers, but for Schmidt, it was obviously not a fantasy. For him, it is real when I came into existence...so why was he here and not in Spain to assist with the civil war?

"I-I know you believe in a superior man b-but. I cannot supply you with this specimen." Erskine was hesitant, scared even. I wonder what they could hold over them that would be so precious as to deal with these people.

"Professor Erskine...we know that the superior man will not be _born_. He will not be a member of any "master race". No, he'll be a race unto himself and you are going to help me _make_ him." Schmidt smiled, putting his hand on Erskine's shoulder as a show of dominant power. He motioned to me, for me to step forwards. I followed his commands with little regard for this situation.

"This...woman is our poor concocted master piece, our Officer X, but we must make a _man_. The true superior man, Professor. Do you understand?" Schmidt's eyes slanted away from mine back to Erskine's who looked to be on the verge of a breakdown. I didn't realise I'd gained a title in my time.

"Yes, I-I understand. But. You... work with Nazis even though you do not follow their ideology?" His voice shook as the hand on his shoulder gripped him harder. There was something else going on here if they'd asked him if he understood. He had to have shown his lack of loyalty some how to be treated roughly but he had the knowledge they needed to keep him alive.

"Well that is a story for another time. We're not as likely to believe you, Doctor. So. We wanted to assure you that your wife, Greta and your children...Marlene was it? And little Klaus, will be in Dachau." I peered back at Halles as he essentially introduced the leverage they held over this man.

Halles was a cruel man. I knew that from the moment I'd met him and he nearly broke my nose, he was vindictive with little patience but what he lacked in patience, he made up in determination. I looked back to see Erskine's face ashen even more if it were possible. He was scared now.

"Perfect. You will be working with Professor Arnim Zola. He's already given us many wonderful inventions." Schmidt motioned for a round-headed man with a receding hair line to come away from the boxes of metal. I couldn't recall seeing this man before and had to assume that he'd been recently recruited over the last year. I didn't like him either but to be fair, I hated literally everyone in this room excluding parts of me.

"O-oh?" Erskine's voice shook still as he sat down the traveling case he'd been using as a sort of shield.

"Oh yes. He's given us many wondrous war machines. Exo-skeleton suits, vehicles, weapons...we are proud to have him." Schmidt praised the rat-like man whose walk reminded me quite a bit of duck...or a pregnant woman.

"I look forward to working you with Erskine." Zola adjusted his glasses to sit higher up on his nose as he went to shake Erskine's hand. It'd occurred to me that I'd been brought in an example of what these men should be striving towards, a freak case in the number of deaths they'd had. I was supposed to die in absolute agony and I did for a time, then it was like a switch had been flipped and I awoke.

Halles bowed his head to Schmidt who waved us away, we'd fulfilled our purpose entirely and he didn't care for us anymore. Halles followed me silently to my room where he dawdled along the doorway.

"Is there anything more I am needed for?" I stared at him as he blocked my passage into the room for some god awful reason, I just wanted to change clothes. While I enjoyed wearing trousers, I wasn't fond of them sticking to my skin.

He paused for a second which threw me. "The leader will be holding a meeting in exactly 30 minutes, I expect you there in 20. Heil Hitler." He did his little stamp and raised his arm in the typical Nazi salute. Mine was as enthusiastic as Hitler's, a little halfhearted movement of my elbow, it was a formality.

* * *

I was bored most of the time, no one dared to lay a finger on the leader, I'd followed him from Spain to Lithuania to Poland as he captured and assisted in each territory's chaos. It seemed everyone finally figured this out ten years later as Hitler's forces began to shrivel up and Schmidt asked for me to come back to his fortress.

I'd actually asked why when I received the orders from the leader who claimed it was because I was needed as a subject now that Doctor Erskine had been taken by the Americans. I envied Erskine in that moment, even more so than I hated him. The fortress itself was cold and black, everything had the oddest blue glow to it.

"Officer X, its been a while." Halles greeted me with a straight face, it was odd that he'd address me by a nickname instead of just 'Prooms' or 'Lillian'. His uniform was even odder than the nickname. It was all black and held the HYDRA insignia on his belt and medals.

"I suppose." I shrugged, nodding back to him. I was tired of these people and this game of cat and mouse with the German empire. I wanted to go back home.

"The real reason I have called you here is to tell you that the Americans are slowly taking our bases. They have already captured France, Belgium, and Czechoslovakia as of February." Schmidt spoke up from his table covered in maps and thumbtacks for areas of attack. Oh great. I was actually asked here to kill more people. Lovely.

"And you can only assume they are coming here now." I motioned to the surrounding snow covered Alps with a sigh. This _was_ the last base as it was the heart of Schmidt's mythological studies.

"Exactly." Schmidt nodded giving me a tight smile. I stared at him for a second, his skin...just looked odd to me. Tight. Too tight over his face. At first I was entirely put out with this set of circumstances but...then my brain began to roll. If the Americans had come all the way to the Alps...they were strong. I could get out of here using them. But I need to wait for the right moment.


	5. Chapter 5

I sat across the maps from Schmidt as he tried to explain why Berlin was marked down on a particular page when we were distracted by a great bang. I looked away from the map to the doors, expecting the guards to do something. Halles was the first to stand, yelling orders to the men to bring whoever had done the damage here. I'd been a victim of the bystander effect apparently.

Schmidt stood as we waited close to five minutes before his men came in with their black and blue suits, they were supposedly stronger than a regular uniform. I came to stand near Schmidt with my heart trying to beat out of my chest. Was this my moment? Or was this only going to get my brain fizzled with electric prods.

I'd survived so far off of Halles' word on my loyalty and not disappointing the leader. That would only go so far if I turned on Schmidt now...I'd heard the rumors of a recruit being shocked in the brain and I didn't find that appealing.

"Arrogance may not be a uniquely American trait, but I must say you do it better than anyone. But there are limits to what even you can do, Captain." My attention was dragged from my own thoughts as Schmidt addressed a rather large man in a red,white, and blue uniform in _English_? I couldn't emrember the last time I'd heard English in here.

"Or did Erskine tell you otherwise?" Schmidt finished with the smirk still on his face. The man's helmet, blue and marked with a giant A, covered his entire head leaving room for his eyes and nose with the bottom half of his face somewhat exposed. He looked absolutely _ridiculous_.

 **"** He told me you were insane." He had an American accent. This was an American then, which meant he was one of the allies...So this man was confident. But how confident? Did I want to rely on his confidence?

"Ah. He resented my genius and tried to deny me what was rightfully mine and tried to take her life..." He motioned to me warily, dragging the man's attention to my own. His eyes were blue. "But he gave you everything. So, what made you so special?" He tilted his head, smirking at the tall man who only smirked back but he was just plain better at it.

"Nothin'. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn." He was cocky and that made Schmidt angry. I forced myself to stand still as Schmidt's fist flew back and punched him in the face and the stomach, bringing the man to his knees. He was huffing making me frown, he wasn't my salvation after all.

He continued to inhale deeply and spat out some blood until he looked up. "I can do this all day." I was taken aback, he didn't shy away from Schmidt. There had to be something else going on if he was _this_ brave. I'd seen people kneel before Schmidt out of pure terror but cocky was new. I liked it. It gave me hope.

"Oh, of course you can. Of course. But unfortunately I am on a tight schedule." Schmidt took out his cube-energy pistol and pointed it at the American man. There had been some serious expansions on their weapons, they'd hurt even me.

I made a quick decision and kicked up into the air as hard as I could to disarm Schmidt. I heard a crack in his wrist and watched the gun fly up into the air. I spun my leg around, hitting Schmidt hard enough in the chest to force him back with the heel of my boot. I caught the gun as it began to fell and cocked it as I swung back around.

"OFFIZIER X! WAS MACHST DU?" He switched back to German, angry with me as he asked what I was doing. I pointed the gun at him as he glared, absolutely furious with me. Well. I guess I'd placed a bet on this American in his gaudy outfit.

"I can't live here anymore. I just can't do it anymore! YOU TOOK ME AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE I LOVED FOR _TWENTY-EIGHT_ _YEARS_!" I held the gun steady using two hands while my voice thundered, echoing.

I was aiming right at the cruel men I'd had to tolerate for almost three decades as nearly everyone in the room was silent. Halles had the ability to some how looked betrayed that I'd turned on them, who wouldn't after being experimented on for half of that time? How were they all surprised _I_ turned on them. It was only a matter of time, honestly.

"You're American?" The man sounded surprised from his position on the ground.

"Obviously."I glanced at him giving a short nod. He seemed to process that for a second before jerking into motion, elbowing the guards holding him and kicking a few others, it startled me slightly. He was strong...like me which I'd never seen before but it'd given Schmidt enough time to dart forwards, trying to hit me. I almost growled as I darted back and kicked him in the chest with as much power as I could. He fell backwards onto his back.

It appeared all hell broke loose at that point with the windows behind me shattering, I turned around right as I saw three men turn to fire at me, I went to duck but the American man seemed to feel that I wasn't moving fast enough and threw himself over my frame. It took me a second to realise he was only acting as a human shield when he didn't try to choke me out.

"SHES WITH US!" The American yelled out.

"Get off of me!" I bellowed as I pushed him off of me to see Halles' chest riffled with bullet wounds as he fell to the ground. I was sad to say that I was actually a little sad to see him go. He'd apparently grown on me in the last few years. Who knew?

"RODGERS! YOU MIGHT NEED THIS!" I looked back as the American pulled me up to my feet and catch a round shield. He was gentle but I had little patience when I saw Schmidt dart out of the room. I wanted to smash his face in. I wanted him dead.

I bent down, picking up the same pistol off the ground and started after him. I could hear chaos being unleashed as a door exploded down another hallway filled with HYDRA's men in uniform. "MA'AM! WAIT!" The American was yelling down the hallway as I turned the corner, following Schmidt's tail. He'd always had a apt mind for dramatics, his coat was no joke with it's flaps.

"BACK OFF, AMERICA MAN. HE'S MINE." I barked as I looked back to see he was actually keeping pace with me...that was surprising. This man continued to surprise me, I wasn't sure if I liked that.

I was staggered by an explosion but I saw Schmidt pick up one of the larger cube weapons and began firing it into the explosion. I fired the pistol, hitting him in the side of his hips. He was angry as he turned around and fired once in return, a silver shield came down in front of me, blocking the hit.

"Ma'am. Please. You're not made for this." The American was getting on my nerves so I sucker punched him.

"I'm more fit than you'll ever be, buddy." I hissed, pushing his shield away forcefully and took off again, heading for Schmidt. He was at the end of the hallway, punching in a code to open security doors. I aimed the pistol and took a few potshots until he got the doors open, he'd been able to dodge every one of them much to my annoyance.

He dashed inside as I began to run again. I was almost at the door when I was smacked in the shoulder by the American man's stupid shield as it lodged itself into the closing doors. I was knocked to the grated floor just in time to see Schmidt disappear behind another set of doors.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry." The American was behind me, looking at my wounded. I always bled so badly but I'd never been able to bleed out it seemed even though I'd officially had a good chunk taken out of it from his stupid shield.

"I'll be fine." I grumbled moving to sit up.

"Thats a really big-well it was a really big wound." He sounded confused as his fingers pulled apart bits of my tattered uniform.

"I'll be good as new in like a minute." I pushed his hands away moving to duck under his shield. I forced open the second set of doors, still holding my pistol, just to see Schmidt climb up a ladder into a large...plane? It looked sort of like a plane but not the kind I'd been brought here on.

I fired a few shots but it did nothing as the door closed, I heard heavy feet behind me and looked back to see the American man jogging up to stand next to me as we watched the stupid bloody plane take off. Heavy gunfire began in this room as I went to clutch my shoulder. It'd stopped bleeding profusely, which was nice but now my clothes were blood soaked.

A car pulled up, screeching to a halt with an older man as the driver and a female in the back. "GET IN!" He was yelling for the American, right? I wasn't getting into that car.

I looked back as the American glanced between me and the car then made a running start to jump to get in the passenger side. They drove off, leaving only dust behind. I looked behind me to see what I assumed to be American forces driving off German soldiers. Finally. I could be taken home.

* * *

I sat inside what appeared to be an interrogation chamber but it was comfortable feeling. The Americans weren't too sure about me so I was arrested but I didn't fight back which I was hoping they'd take into consideration. I was hoping I would be let go once they heard my story.

The door unlocked and opened revealing the same older man from the car in the Alps. I tilted my head as he strolled in and set down a tray containing chicken, potatoes, and carrots with a cup of milk.

"Dinner." He motioned to the tray as I sat down in the chair across from his. My instincts told me to be leery, that they would try to poison me...but I couldn't see _why_ they'd bother to take me here only to poison me.

"So...Miss Officer X, was it? Chester Phillips." He was southern as he introduced himself.

I gave him a small smile as I shook my head. "I prefer my birth name, Lillian Prooms." I corrected lightly.

"Lillian...Prooms" He repeated slowly, looking me up and down. He had to be thinking I was lying. I could tell from his eyes darting around to my hair, my hands, and my shoulders.

"It probably said I died sometime in November, 1917." I nodded, giving him the bit of info I'd found out myself when I woke up from a two day nap. Good thing I wasn't buried already, clawing my way out of a coffin would have been terrifying.

He didn't respond, giving me a look of disbelief or so I thought. "Look, I was arrested several times before then for 'obstructing traffic'. You can find those." I used air quotes as I snorted at the ridiculousness that was the excuse used to arrest me. I was just really trying to dictated that I _wasn't_ lying.

"Oh I believe you, Miss Prooms." He held up a hand, reminding me somehow of an odd father trying to calm his child. It was the patience, I think, that reminded me of that situation.

"Then...whats with your expression?" I motioned to his face with a single pointer finger and furrowed brows.

"I'm waiting for when you'll realise the food is for you." He gave a me a ghost of a smile. My mouth formed an O of understanding that turned to a sheepish grin as I picked up a fork and poked the chicken.

"You know...you spend almost 30 years of your life always being tested and you're just a little hesitant in new situations." I explained with a shrug as I picked up a carrot and turned it over with the fork.

"Thats understandable. I couldn't help but notice, Miss Prooms, that your shoulder has been completely healed in the _two_ days you've been here." He motioned to my shoulder as I popped the carrot into my mouth.

I nodded, chewing and swallowing. "When I was in jail a guard who also happened to be a German, I guess, decided that I should die. I think I pissed him off." I grinned taking another bite of carrot. It felt a little rebellious to swear as woman from my time but taking the lord's name in vain was also something that was improper. "Anyways I got a syringe full of their serum and technically died right there then like two days up I popped." I shrugged, chewing the carrot and starting on the chicken.

"I see. So...you're a little gifted then." He finished with an amused smile. I nodded, not responding as I chewed. "Well...we'd like to make you a proposition then." He started slowly, making me pause my eating. I stared at him warily.

"We were hoping you'd like to join the US government. We always need hardy folks like yourself, Miss Prooms." He finished halfheartedly. He wanted me to join his side now and it wasn't happening. The war was over for me, I wanted to go home. I put down the fork, pursing my lips.

"I don't want to fight for you. I want to go _home_. I've been stuck to people's sides for almost 30 years now. I don't want to be stuck to an entire _governments_ side." I spoke with sincerity but I was praying to god that he wouldn't force me to do it. He seemed to sigh, slowly nodding.

"I told them you wouldn't be interested but hey, I had to ask." He gave me a small smile, as he stood. "We'll arrange for you to get back on your feet, Miss Prooms. Welcome back to America." He nodded to me as I bowed my head in return. He left silently leaving me to stare at the tray of food for another second or two. The door opened again and his head popped back in, startling me for a second.

"I should mention that we're going to be monitoring you." Phillips grinned a little.

"I assumed as much." I smiled back as he nodded to me again and went back out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

I stood outside Vivian's home, wondering if I really wanted to do this. To see her again, would it just scare her to see me when she was 60 and I was in my 20s at this point. I stood there for maybe a moment longer, trying to decide what I wanted to do when I found my legs walking up the stairs to her door. I knocked and waited with my heart trying to beat itself out of my chest.

The door opened and an older Vivian's head peeked out at me. She'd gained some wrinkly skin and grey streaks in her eyes but she was still Vivian to me. I felt a small smile break over my face as she stared back at me in shock.

"L-Lilly?" She sounded shocked as the door swung open to reveal her in her entirety.

"Hello." I smiled back feeling some tears prickle as she put her hand over my cheek, running it down to my chin.

"You haven't aged more than a week." She looked almost sad but happy as she pulled me to her.

"Oh gosh. You're an old maid." I giggled as I hugged her back. I'd forgotten what she was like, what she smelled like. Talcum powder and roses. It was odd but it was homey for me

"You've always had such a way with words." She mumbled into my hair, making me smile larger at her teasing.

"Come inside, come come." She pulled away to take me by the hand and pull me into her home. I waited, expecting to hear her husband come 'round if she'd had one. I was expecting her to have married herself off by not but it seemed that I was wrong. She'd stayed single.

The drawing room was still the only heated room making me smile, she hadn't changed very much. I sat down opposite to her as she poured tea from a freshly boiled iron kettle. I took a bite out of a biscuit as she seated herself, and looked at me for a second.

"You really haven't aged a day, Lilly. What happened?" She pursed her lips, staring at me.

"Well...I was changed? I don't seem to age like a normal person anymore, my metabolism runs around 3 times higher than normal so I don't really age like normal anymore." I waved my hand around as I brought the cup of tea to my lips to take a sip.

"Why were you chosen? Was it the work for our cause that made you special?" She'd actually believed me which brought me both happiness and sadness for her excitement, she hadn't been around me for the last 30 years. She thought of this as a nice sort of ideal thing and it wasn't at all.

"No. I-I was supposed to...well die really. It was supposed to kill me and I guess it technically did?" I frowned, looking up at her as I set the cup down.

"I'm sorry, Lilly. Your home was sold after you'd been announced as passed. I...kept some of your clothes and you could even stay here while you get a home settled." She put a hand on my knee like she used to do when we were younger. I was surprised she'd kept some clothes but it also gave me warm fuzzy feelings.

"That was sweet but I'm actually already set up." I broke into a grin as she pursed her lips but nodded. I watched her take a second to compose herself, sipping the tea.

"Where abouts are you then?" She took her hand back, clasping the other in her lap.

"I'm still in Colombia heights so, relatively close by. I might come around to visit you." I winked as she seemed to giggle. I'd missed this, the tea and pleasant company with laughs.

"I'd like that." She smiled softly making me happy.

* * *

Vivian brought me into the modern world with a bit of bitter indigence at how fast things had moved on without me. I lost that bitterness when I began to notice Vivian ageing. Ten years passed and I looked the same while she grayed and began to hunch, forgetting things sometimes. She'd filled me in on how the battle was mostly won for women so now I spent my time taking care of Vivian and going to school.

I would go to day classes and come home to make dinner for Vivian and I. I knew the neighbors had begun to talk about the hard feminist keeping a young women with her but I didn't pay them any mind. I was friendly...ish. I said hello and asked about their day but said nothing more, even when I could hear them whisper as I walked away.

"Viv! Dinner." I called down the hall to her from the kitchen.

"Yes, yes." I could hear her mumbling from the study and fought back a smile as she hobbled down the hallway to the kitchen. I'd made her set up a little table in here because I claimed it was easier to serve dinner that way and she wouldn't have any other help outside of me.

"Well now, what did you do today in class?" She sat down and looked primly at me with a small smile. This was a daily ritual we'd picked up in the first few weeks I came back, I would come back to her home, make dinner, and we'd talk. I made her breakfast early before I left and set out lunch from dinner the night before, but I still wasn't sleeping here. I was beginning to think I should when she fell the first time, trying to get out of bed.

We'd never shared a truly physical relationship but I spent nights after she fell the second time. I slept near her but not in the same bed. I just wasn't okay with sleeping in the same bed as her despite our intimate history. She began to fade after a time, the decades passed and I lost more and more of my Vivian.

Before I knew it, she was put on round the clock care and I had a degree in Women's Studies. I hadn't pursed a job in a specific field, instead I was spending time writing for a local paper that allowed me to come in at random office hours, particularly when Vivian was asleep.

It was in 1977 that Vivian finally passed. It was peaceful for her, in her sleep. Not so much for me. I woke up and realised something wasn't right. She wasn't breathing, her heart wasn't beating. She'd died.

It was odd for me to process that a woman I'd always looked up to was just...gone. She'd been passing for the last ten years but this was final. It was the end of her. She had no children, no siblings, nothing but two dead parents and now me. I'd come to realise all the women I'd known as childhood friends had passed.

The funeral was odd, so many faces I didn't recognize but they were mostly women. She'd left a mark on the world, obviously. They treated me as though I was a grieving widow, sitting me at the front near the priest and shaking my hand before they left to tell me how sorry they were. One woman caught my eye, she was pale with bright red lips and curly brown hair. Her posture claimed military.

She stood slowly and shook my hand. "I'm sorry Miss Prooms. If you ever need a job, call me." She slipped her card into my hand as she shook it. I looked down at the card, _Agent Peggy Carter._ She was one of S.H.I.E.L.D's agent then...or it was the government again. I'd been contacted by both only to decline over and over again.

I roamed from Washington for maybe five years, picking up work where I could until '82. Then I moved to New York, it was right on time to hit the wave of the 80's...not my favourite time. There was racism and sexism and a lot of hatred going around for homosexuality. Everyone was afraid of something called HIV but they were blaming gays, gay men in particular along with a recession. Reagan became president and the world spun on without Vivian.

It was only in the 90s that I ran into the new face of S.H.I.E.L.D. It was late one Saturday night when I came home to a black man sitting at my kitchen table. He had an eye-patch and a leather coat, his head was clean shaven. At first we just stared at each other, with me setting down my groceries.

"I suppose you're replacing agent Carter's regular house-calls then?" I sighed, sitting down across from him.

"Agent Carter has finally retired, Miss Prooms." He drawled, analyzing my expressions.

"Lillian. I'm sure I'll see plenty more of you." I sighed. It was Colonel Chester Phillips for the first few years then after Viv died, Peggy kept coming around. Now, I guess it was this guy.

"definitely, Nick Fury here. Though, I've gotta ask..." He trailed off, seeming to ask my permission to continue. I raised a brow, waving my hand for him to continue.

"Is it ever weird for you that a woman who was _born_ when you were off protesting as a teenager is now retiring?" His question made me smile, it was obtuse and casual. No one was ever that causal around me, people didn't know how to react when I said the off thing or didn't understand a reference.

"I got over it when Viv died." I shrugged, mentioning her so freely almost shocked me until I remembered he was sitting at my kitchen table right now. I needed to get back on subject.

"Interesting. I suppose your answer is no for this year too?" He raised a brow, not really moving from his position across the table.

"Mhm. No American HYDRA for me, thanks." I nodded to him, turning to put boxes of cereal away. I'd gained a favourite in frosted flakes for some reason.

"Now thats just mean." Fury snorted behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Is it really? I know what you lot are up too. Testing. Testing on _people_." I turned around, waving my finger at him. "Guess what happened to me for 30 frickin' years? Testing." I admonished with a dark tone.

"They volunteered." Fury disagreed with a shake of his head.

"Testing is testing just like people are still people. Even if they turn colors or lose their eyes." I held up a hand, feeling a little like his mother at this point though I was old enough to be his _grandmother_. How did I get so old? I should have been dust by now but instead here I was stacking up cereal in an apartment in New York City.

"Banner is top secret." Fury's tone turned to amused, he wasn't surprised I knew about the green man.

"Your top secret is my bread and butter, honey." I put a hand on my hip, I wasn't backing down.

"You've got some spunk. I like that in a woman." He smirked. I rolled my eyes as he stood, heavy boots on my linoleum floor.

"See ya next year, Prooms." He nodded to me. I gave a wave but said nothing more as he left. I would see him next year, and the year after that, and the year after that one. New York City suited me. It was forever changing and rearranging itself into new trends.


	7. Chapter 7

Today had been a relatively good day. My old neighbor had finally died and moved all her crap out and I'd found pop-chips on sale in the grocery store, work was all done and accepted so now what? I was on the subway, things had changed so much sometimes I forgot I used to be banned from going to a mixed school and all since it'd been a men's world and I was only a frail little girl.

My family was well off so I'd been tutored non-stop in needle work, embroidery, cooking, hosting, and other stupidly boring things. Those were what my mother taught me. The help would do the heavy lifting according to her. Now I did it all and frankly I appreciated that fact that it humbled me. I liked doing laundry best because I could travel all the way to the building's basement to do. Sometimes other tenants would talk to me, it was a peek into their normal life.

"Foggy-bottom station. Now arriving at Foggy-bottom Station." The automated female voice announced my station, bringing me from my youth in 1910. I raised a brow at the blonde guy who sat across from me, looking young but tired. He looked confused and alone, like he didn't really understand what was happening. I stood out of instinct that the train would be stopping soon, I was now in-front of the blonde guy.

I felt someone tapping my thigh and looked down to see the confused man frowning up at me. "Um. Excuse me, miss but are the Beverly apartments on this station?" He was hesitant. I felt pity for how alone and confused in the world that he seemed to be, I'd been the same when Viv died. I'd dedicated years of my life to a cause that was won and a woman that was gone. The pity sort of leveled up with my wariness of the man sitting down next to me.

"It is actually, I could show you the way if you'd like." I nodded, looking down at him with a neutral expression. That was a little too close and personal so now I'm just kinda hoping he'll say no.

"Oh, that won't be necessary. Thanks though." He shook his head, holding up a hand. Oh, thank god. He had an accent, but I wasn't sure from where. He didn't sound like the New Yorkers surrounding me right now.

"Alright." I shrugged, I was sure as shit not about to push that little conversation further. I was looking back towards the doors as they began to get a little crowded. Everyone made the mad dash to get out of the subway before the doors closed like the doors were out to get them. I was usually sort of carried out in the waves of people, though sometimes assholes would try to push their way on before we could get out.

I went up the stairs and began the walk towards my apartments until I saw the back of the blonde guy again. He was stopped, trying to find his place on the map in front of me I'd assumed. I pursed my lips for a second until I sighed and stopped after his final tracing along the streets of the map.

"Hey...Um. I really don't mind showing you the way." I tapped him on the shoulder then took a tremendous step back as he jumped from the contact. Just because he _looked_ harmless, didn't mean he was actually harmless...honestly this guy was ripped and he was really tall. I felt like a child looking up at him and that didn't bode well for me.

"I don't want to be a bother, Miss." He turned facing me fully with a forced smile and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He looked a little suspicious of me, which was all fine and good, I was a little suspicious of him.

"I actually kinda live there so I mean, I'll have to go there eventually." I grinned back at him as his face relaxed, he'd been just as wary of me as I was of him. That was kind of a relief, it meant he didn't appear to have any harmful intentions.

"Oh, that'd be great then. Steve Rogers." He stuck out a hand that made me pause. Rogers sounded familiar but I barely paid attention to today's news channels. I shook it slowly, didn't think showing him a direction really had grounds for a first name basis...but okay.

"Lilly." I replied shortly, I didn't really want to give this random stranger my name. Shit I was already telling he where I _lived_ , what happens if he didn't even actually live there?

We started walking again but I stayed quiet and so did he. I was actually a little thankful for it, with my luck I'd go ahead and just tell him my life story. 'Oh hello, did you know I'm actually 117 years old but I look like I'm 20?' That was just something people were put into nuthouses for so why was I so willing to come forward, all will-nilly? Oh good, its already 7 at night.

"Well here we are." I declared awkwardly at the building with the one hand that wasn't carrying a grocery bag. I went to open the door to find he'd already opened it and was motioning for me to inside.

"Someone's a player." I commented, trying to lighten the chokingly nervous atmosphere I'm sure I was only currently feeling.

"A what?" He furrowed his brow as he disappeared from my view when I walked forwards. I wasn't sure if I really enjoyed having him walk behind me so close like that.

"You mess around with a lot of women of whom you've charmed with your door opening tactics." I explained, raising a brow to be playful. That was a pretty modern term, right? I need to ask Clara at the office tomorrow but I'm pretty sure it was modern.

He came to stand next to me in front of the elevator. "Oh. Not really. That was more just some honest manners from where I come from." He shrugged as I pressed the up button for the elevator.

"Oh yeah? Where're you from?" I was more than nervous now to be in a cramped elevator alone with this giant of a guy. I tended to avoid men when I could but now I'm about to be stuck in an elevator with one for god knows how long. They probably have cameras in there, if he tried to jump me, they would see it. Christ why am I so nervous? Just because he's muscular looking doesn't mean hes actually strong. I _am_ strong. Just yesterday I broke the TV remote when I tried to slam it on my knee to get it to work.

"Brooklyn. You?" He raised a brow, making forced light conversation with me now. He didn't sound like he was from Brooklyn. I was about to comment on that when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. I shuffled onto it, hitting my floor then stepping back from him quickly to give him all the space I could to hit his floor.

"Washington D.C." I nodded, hoping this was the end of the conversation and we'd go out separate floors never to speak again.

"Did you like it there?" God damn it. Why couldn't he just nod and say nothing more? I watched him stare at the buttons for a second then take a step away from me to the other corner without hitting anything.

"I was a rebellious kid." I shrugged robotically as I realised that meant he'd lived on my floor and there were only five rooms on my floor. One was for an older widow, Mrs Gate, the other two were rented by divorced middle aged men, then one for me and...he was my new neighbor. Shit me.

"Got into a lot of fights then?" He raised a brow, looking back at me. I shrugged.

"Picketing was more my deal...and resisting arrests." I snorted, shaking my head as we passed through the floors.

"Oh." He seemed to feel awkward now, maybe he was a crazy you-must-obey-law kinda guy. Figures thats who I get for a next door neighbor.

We'd share the kitchen and bathroom walls and now I'd have to watch what I said, these walls were crazy thin...well. They were thin but I did sort of hear more than a regular person should. The elevator stopped and dinged telling me we were on the 9th floor now. There was only 12 floors in total so not only did I get to hear people running upstairs but I got to do the same thing to my downstairs neighbors.

I fished my keys out of my pockets as the doors opened and strolled out quickly, I still wasn't all that fond of him hanging around behind my back. It felt too vulnerable. He had heavy feet it seemed, I could hear his shoes hitting the carpet behind me as I slipped my key into my door.

"We're neighbors?" He sounded surprised, I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and gave a short nod as I turned the key, opening my door.

"Yup. See ya neighbor." I slipped into my apartment and slammed the door shut behind me, locking it quickly. Well. That probably wasn't the friendliest greeting I'd ever given before.

I padded into the kitchen after I'd kicked my shoes off and began to put the chips into my little snack drawer. Who was I kidding? I'm totally going to eat these in like five minutes.

 _"Why do we even need these now?"_ I froze as I realised I could hear him in his apartment. I have no idea what he was so grumpy about but I felt incredibly creepy listening into little snippets of his conversations with himself unbeknownst to him. So...I started to hum. I was humming and humming until I heard him groan again. _"Great. She's a hummer."_ I immediately stopped humming, staring at the bag of chips in my hand with an eerily cold sensation coating my body. He could _hear_ me?

* * *

"Clara?" I looked across my desk to the little blonde girl that worked with me on the women's columns. She was modern, chic, hip...all that stuff.

"Hmm?" She was distracted by something on the computer screen.

"Is player a modern term?" I tilted my head as she paused then snorted.

"Yeah, it is, Granny Smith." She shook her head, chuckling. My tendency to delve back into odd little quirks and stiff moments where people got a little too close was famous on my floor. It'd gotten me the title of Granny Smith for some odd reason but no one was any wiser to my little predicament so I didn't really mind being the butt of a joke every now and again.

"Are you sure? This guy that just moved in the hall had no idea what it was." I frowned, ignoring the nickname. She leaned around the computer monitors, raising a brow.

"Really?" She sounded mildly surprised as I nodded. "Sounds like you've found a guy thats lived under a rock as long as you have." She chuckled, leaning back to sit in front of her monitor.

"Hes kinda weird." I sighed, going back to typing out my responses to a few key people. There was a new position opening up soon, junior editor and I was somehow hoping it'd get me out of typing up advice columns for women who sent their questions in.

Hours passed me by until Clara tapped my shoulder, gaining my attention. She was grinning "Time to head home." My eyes flickered to the clock then back to her as she jerked thumb over her shoulder.

"Right." I nodded, standing up and stretching.

Clara followed behind me as we stepped into the elevator. She was okay with me keeping her at arms distance, encouraged it even when she didn't try to chat me up. Clara was funny at times but patient enough to know when I wasn't about to talk to her about her new puppy or a guy she met one floor down in printing. I knew it all happened, I could hear the whispers around me but I didn't join them. It felt too weird for me.

"Any plans for the weekend?" She broke the sound of nothing but gears whirling and elevator music.

"Maybe head to the gym, watch all of _Dexter_ again." I shrugged, hiking my bag back over my shoulder.

"How about going out with me and Mary?" She waggled her eyebrows as I blew air out of my mouth slowly.

"When?" I tilted my head, looking at her. I wasn't all that sure I wanted too but it'd work out to get my mind off of the guy next door.

"Saturday night, 7 pm. We'll come over and get you ready!" She clapped her hands together as the elevator binged again and the doors opened to the bottom floor. I wasn't to be trusted to prepare for an actual girls night out, apparently.

"Fine." I smiled at her and pushed open the door to the street.

"Be ready!" She called over the sounds of New York traffic with a grin on her face. It had to be close to 10 now. Maybe I could do laundry?

I sat down on the subway and found it was relatively sparse for what I was used too. It gave me the creeps to see a New York subway station so damn empty and echoey. I wasn't pushed out of the doors, in fact I just strolled out and went up the stairs like a normal person would. I wasn't running or rushing.

I probably should have been but I was pretty close by to my building, a light had shorted out above me, making me stop and look up at it. I could hear it buzzing and flicker as it tried to come back on. It wasn't possible, it was just dead now. It'd have to be replaced.

I felt cold metal press against the back of my neck and froze as a hand wrapped itself around my mouth. "Scream and I'll shoot." It was a man. Great. I'm being mugged. Just what I wanted today.


	8. Chapter 8

"So do it already." I spoke seriously as I stared forwards not moving an inch. I hadn't done much hand to hand combat lately but I still knew how to break someone's arm over my shoulder.

He was quiet for a few seconds. "I just want your cash, lady." He sounded almost taken aback by my response. I suppose his victims were usually a little more willing than I was.

"Then ask. I'm more than willing to give you money but it takes me ages to get all my ID's and cards back in order." I rolled my eyes as I went to move my arms but stopped when I heard the gun cocked behind me.

"No sudden movements." He was warning me with a strained voice. He didn't want to kill me then, just take my cash? Or was this a power thing? Didn't feel like a power thing. I really don't feel like dealing with him right now.

I stood there for a few more seconds before I got tired of this stale mate and turned to just hand him the cash from my purse. "Oh, for goodness sak-"

The look of surprise on his face would have been priceless if I didn't feel a bullet scrapping through the right side of my torso. The echoing popping sound I'd forgotten for a good 60 years was prominent in my ears as I stared at him, not quite processing what he'd done. The sharp noise bounced off the buildings surrounding us and ricocheted back into my eardrums, waking me up.

"What the hell?" I snarled at him as my hand shot out to squeeze his throat before he could take a step back.

"Who goes around shooting people?" I hissed incredulously as my fingers began to tighten around the base of his throat, I was angry but numb for the most part. He started to choke it seemed because he fired off two more that hit the left side of my chest and right in the center of my stomach with a few groans and clawing at my hand. Those forced me back, making me let go of his neck to grasp my newly found wounds.

I looked down at my blood covered hand and found it was hard to breath right now. I don't like that. It felt like I'd lost a part of my capacity and it was wet when I took in a breath. I tried to clear my throat and looked away from the blood to see he'd ran already. Great. Okay time to head back to the apartment.

I speed walked toward my apartment, ducking out of the sight of any late strollers and choose to run up the stairs to the ninth floor. When I got to the top I had to take a break, the wet feeling was leaving but it hurt now. It just really hurt to breath. I think he might have pierced a lung...apparently those took me a while to heal back.

"Lilly?" The oddly accented voice sounded concerned as I looked up. Shit. I stood quickly away from the wall I'd been leaning on to see the new guy's eyes trail down my front looking worried. "What happened?" He looked back up at me with a furrowed brow. I looked back down to realise I'd bled all over the shirt and dress pants. Blood always showed up so much more on a white shirt rather than black.

"You need a doctor." He moved to take a step forward as I held up a hand but he continued on. He must be the die-hard good Samaritan here then because I wasn't playing this game.

"I'm fine." I declared warily, trying to move towards my door without him trailing me. I'd be perfectly good to go in like half an hour, that would just raise way too many questions I didn't want to answer with this random guy that happened to live next door. I mean it wasn't like I was here illegally, I just preferred to keep a low profile and _this_ was not a low profile.

"You're really _not_." He shook his head reaching for me. I sighed with exasperation and a bit of pain as I grabbed his hand and stepped around him, twisting his arm to lay flat against his back.

"Its just that I'm wearing a white shirt today and I've always been a big show with the blood. Trust me." I sighed again. He looked at me over his shoulder as I fished out my key and unlocked the door. "I'm really okay, it just _looks_ like it's bad." I nodded pleasantly.

I popped open the door and looked back at him while I went to tuck my key back into my pocket. "So I'm sure this has raised a few questions. Feel free to google them and leave me alone." I patted his back lightly and pushed him forwards while I took a step back into my apartment and slammed the door shut.

"Lilly." I locked it quickly right as his knuckles raked on the door and the door handle rattled.

"No." I muttered through the door to him, standing on the other side with my arms crossed over my chest.

"But I don't even know how to google something." He called back through the door sounding lost still.

"Christ on a bike, you _did_ live under a rock." I exclaimed as I peeked through the peephole to find him frowning, looking just as confused as he had on the subway yesterday. I almost just didn't believe him. No one could seriously be _that_ ignorant to Google.

"No, I was just frozen for a long time." He replied slowly as I slide the dead bolt in place. He was just screwing around at this point.

"Right." I snorted, walking away from the door to go change into a new shirt and pants. I felt much better now, it was only achey around my torso.

* * *

I was half asleep when I heard Clara's giggles echoing from the hallway and then the raking of her knuckles against the door. I rolled off the couch and shuffled to the door, cracking it open to see her made up and almost sparkling. Mary stood next to her but she wasn't focused on us, instead she was blushing. Hard. I followed her line of sight to find the new guy standing there awkwardly with a ball cap covering half of his face and a bag of vegetables in his hand.

Great, they'd cornered him.

"Sorry, I was asleep." I mumbled as I closed the door and undid the dead bolt to let them in.

"I can tell." Clara snorted with a bit of sarcasm as she leaned closer to whisper to me. "Whose the hottie? The old lady finally died off?" She was whispering heatedly but I knew he could still hear her. His eyes met mine then darted away back to Mary who I think was talking about the crime rate lately.

"Yeah. Hes...my new neighbor." I shrugged, not remembering his name. He'd been 'that big blonde guy' or 'my nosy neighbor' for the past two days.

"Name? Age? Single?" She raised her brows as she looked back at me. I shrugged again signalling I had absolutely no idea. She huffed and rolled her eyes out of exasperation, I'd guessed. I didn't respond as she turned back to face the guy who was trying to hide his face with his cap for some reason.

"What did you say your name was again, sweetheart?" She was sugar coating her voice, trying to coax him but she'd cut off Mary. He met my eyes before looking back to Clara.

"Steve Rogers." He was uneasy, I could see it in his posture but I didn't get why.

"Steve...Rogers?" She repeated the name slowly, tilting her head. I looked between the two and figured there was something I was missing here but...I didn't know what. He nodded. "Well isn't that something special?" She gave a small flirtatious smile while she took a few steps back, dragging Mary and I back into the apartment. I was jostled along until she shut the door and stood looking at us like she'd finally found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

"Wha-" I started, motioning to her expression when she began to whisper. I sure as hell wasn't about to tell her he could probably hear us anyways.

"Steve Rogers is your _neighbor_?" Her hands were clamped on the tops of my shoulder to shake them roughly with excitement.

"Apparently so." I mumbled slowly.

"You don't sound as impressed as you should that _Captain_ freaking _America_ lives next door." Mary frowned, folding her arms across her chest. I raised a brow as I glanced between them.

They just continued to stare at me. "Is that name supposed to impress me?" I raised both my brows when they didn't respond for a few seconds, looking flabbergasted.

"Uh, yes. He's one of the super humans, along with Officer X." Clara put her hands back onto her hips, shaking her head at me. I felt a small blush roam over my cheeks at the mention of my nickname.

"Well...sorta. Officer X was like the Anti-hero." Mary shrugged, waving her hand in the air in a so-so motion. I rolled my eyes at that, why does everyone assume I followed Nazi ideals? They were nuts. Like, crazy nuts.

"Shshushush. Everyone loves a back story on a super human. She disappeared in the 40s but _he's_ right there." Clara motioned to the brown bathroom door that kept the joining wall from our view. I raised both my brows now as I realised that if I trailed him for the details that no one else knew about this Captain America figure, I could reach for the junior editor position from a simple advice column.

"Alright, I'm prepping you up while Mary asks him what he's doing tonight. If we share the credit, we might all get a raise by the end of this." Clara held up a hand as she motioned for Mary to go by jerking her thumb back over her shoulder.

"Aw come on, don't bug him." I sighed, shaking my head at the girls.

"Its not bugging if he thinks he might get laid." Clara snorted, patting my head like I was a child. I felt a little out of touch with reality as I knew it. Was this really how things worked these days? When did that happen?

* * *

Despite all of Clara and Mary's attempts to ask him out and my own to stop them from making the poor guy uncomfortable, he didn't come out with us. Instead he complimented all three of us on looking nice and wished us a good night. He was respectful. That was surprising by itself.

I didn't see him when I came back alone Sunday night and I didn't see him the morning after. In fact I didn't really see him again until the next Saturday. Clara continued to bug me about making conversation with him in the hallways at every chance I got but I just really _didn't_ see him. He wasn't out when I was out during the week, like at all.

I piled all my clothes into a single basket and stuck my detergent and the fabric softener on top of the dirty clothes. My phone was buzzing in my pocket but I wasn't going to pick it up until I got all the way downstairs.

When I locked my door and took a step away from it, I hadn't really paid attention to what was behind me which happened to be Rogers. "Whoa, hey." He exclaimed catching my basket before it hit his stomach. I frowned at that. I was losing my edge with this whole normal life thing.

"Sorry...didn't see you there, Rogers." I sighed looking back up at him. He was wearing a ball cap and street clothes, I guess he'd spent the day exploring somewhat.

"You can call me Steve." He shrugged awkwardly, handing my basket back to me. I nodded slowly, taking the basket from him as I thought.

"Whats your favourite colour?" I tilted my head as I asked him the random question. It would count as research on him but it wasn't too personal so I'd settled my homework for this week from both Clara and Mary, _and_ myself.

"Uh." He looked a little confused for a second. "Blue. Yours?" He gave me a hesitant smile as I nodded.

"Blue's my favourite too." I smiled back at him in some attempt to push the awkward atmosphere away from the situation. This whole snooping thing was going to be really friggin' difficult.


	9. Chapter 9

Steve was an easy neighbor to live near. He didn't yell, didn't have a pet, didn't play loud music. In fact he only ever ordered food in from what I'd seen from watching the hallways and listening to him move around next door, I never heard him cooking. Sometimes I felt a little creepy, observing him like I was by listening to him through the walls, and taking notes for Clara. She hadn't seen any of them just yet though...I was having issues with my moral compass the more I creeped on the poor guy.

"Lilly?" I jumped a little at the sound of Steve's knuckles rapping against my hollow press wood door. I stood and slid my creepy Steve centered notepad under the couch cushions. This was an odd time to come around my door, a Wednesday at 10 PM.

I opened the door slowly, leaving the deadbolt in place to see Steve holding his cell phone and frowning. "Hi." I greeted him through the crack awkwardly.

"Um. I know its after 9 PM and all but I can't get the little red, green, and yellow circle to open up and you're the only person I know on this floor." He ran his fingers through his hair, frowning still but speaking quickly. My eyes darted to the phone he was holding up to my crack in the door, zooming in on the _Chrome_ internet application.

"Right." I nodded, taking a step back to close the door and unlock the bolt enough to open it completely. I realised he was wearing odd pajamas, or just work out pants and a sweaty t-shirt. I took the black phone from his hand and tapped the icon, frowning when nothing happened. I tapped it again and waited, expecting the screen to flash white with a new tab opening.

"What did you do to it?" I furrowed my brow, looking back up at him as he shrugged.

"Nothing? Probably? It was in my back pocket when I was at the gym, I didn't touch it 'till five minutes ago." He huffed, trying to clear himself of anything that would screw up the phone.

"Come in then." I sighed, nodding and took a step back. "I've never seen you at the gym." I tilted my head at the phone as literally nothing happened as I refreshed the screen, turning it off then back on again.

"I go when no one else is around, usually." Steve was awkward as he stood still in the middle of the hallway while I went to the kitchen to find something to pull the back off of his phone and take out the battery.

"You can look around, if you'd like." I looked back over my shoulder when he didn't move at all but his eyes lingered on the television, and various CD players. Not paying my own rent, electricity, or water bills gave me a lot of free cash to use for the newer products of this time. With the level I creeped on him, I felt like he should be able to poke around my place a little.

"It doesn't feel right to be in a lady's home at this hour." He replied uneasily, not moving from his position but eyeing the stainless steel oven next to me. It held a pre-made lasagna inside at 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

"Steve..." I pursed my lips as I looked back at warm black phone in my hands, popping the battery out. "When were you born?" I asked the question quietly but knew he'd hear me anyways while I slide the battery back into the phone. It was hot, overheated.

"You really want to know?" He sounded cryptic as he looked at me.

"Why else would I ask?" I rolled my eyes as I nodded, he had to be around my age...probably.

"July fourth..." He pursed his lips, watching me as I waited for the phone to turn back on. "1920." He finished slowly making me sigh. Great. I'm 25 years _older_ than a fucking fossil...to be fair I was over a hundred now.

"You look young for what? 90 years old?" I raised a brow, looking back down to the phone as it greeted me with the lock screen. All I could think about was how patriotic his birthday was for his little nickname.

"92, actually." He corrected me softly. I could tell he was expecting disbelief or a crazed fan to appear in front of him from his tone but neither was happening. Just because he was some famed superhero didn't mean I was about to go nuts for a guy I'd met like a week or two ago...good grief the man couldn't cook, could barely clean, and he came knocking on my door like someone's grandfather for help with the internet.

"Whats your secret? Do all the doctors not want you to tell me?" I smirked as I cracked the joke I'd seen running around the internet for a while now.

"Ice. I was frozen in ice for almost 70 years." His head tilted as he answer me seriously. I stared at him for a second as I realised he did _not_ get that joke. Now its just awkward.

"Right...well your phone just over heated. Leave it out of your pocket next time you work out." I nodded, turning around to hand him back the black phone.

His brow furrowed in concentration as he pulled out a pen and notepad, writing something down. "Out...of...pocket." I felt a small smile appear over my face as I realised he'd just taken notes on the phone before he slipped the pad of paper back into his pocket and took the phone out of my hand.

"Thanks, Lilly." He nodded his gratefulness with a soft dusting of awkwardness that he seemed to keep in his posture 24-7 when he walked past the doorway into my apartment.

The timer rang behind me, making me jump to turn it off. The lasagna was done so I slipped on gloves and pulled it out, peeling back aluminum foil to see if it'd actually been cooked all the way through. I stared at it for a second realising he was still here and nibbled on the inside of my cheek as I thought about it.

"Would..." I started, turning around to face him entirely. "Would you like to stay for...food?" I pursed my lips as I offered with a wave of my gloved hand to the bubbling food. I felt like I would be lying to myself if this wasn't half curiosity and half snooping on him still. Maybe I could just write an article on myself? No they'd want pictures and boom there would be my face.

"Uh." He looked surprised but happy. "Yeah. Definitely. I'd love too." He nodded quickly, slipping the phone into his back pocket but not moving still.

"You know, usually people actually come and get a plate and even some food if they want to be totally safe." I felt a smile break over my face from the amusement of a big guy like him just standing in the hallway looking like a lost puppy.

"Right. Gotta get used to that whole normal person thing, I just usually stay in and order food." He snorted, shaking his head and walking forward this time.

"I've noticed. You're kinda a hermit." I remarked quietly, using the knife that had been used to ply open the back cover of his phone to cut the lasagna.

"You have?" He was closer to me now, maybe a foot away. It was odd that I realised this was the first time we'd actually been closer than a a few feet apart...he didn't smell half as bad as I thought he would. He _definitely_ reeked of the testosteroney, sweaty smell guys had after the gym but he wasn't nearly as putrid as I felt he'd be.

"Yeah..." I froze as I realised that meant I was creeping on him and thought of something quickly. "I rode the elevator up with the delivery guy once or twice." I lied, trying to cover up the fact that I was creeping on him to further a career.

"Ah! Yeah. Not much of a cook." He nodded, not sounding as suspicious as I'd thought he'd be. Instead he sounded a little excited as I handed him the knife after dumping a bit onto my plate. He took it, chopping up half the pan which was just as well with me. I wouldn't eat it all by myself anyways.

"Thats fine, I guess. I mean, not everyone can be." I shrugged, going around him to sit at the kitchen table. I leaned back in my chair and pulled open the silverware drawer, grabbing out two forks. I kept one for myself then leaned across, placing the other on the other side of the table as he sat down.

"This is really good. How'd you find time to make it?" He asked as I watched him take in a forkful of pasta, meat, and tomato sauce.

"I didn't. This came made." I snorted, disowning any and all deliciousness that took place here.

"Oh, I've seen those things at the store but the last time I fiddled with the stove...well. I burned everything." He pursed his lips, looking back at the stove behind me. I remembered hearing his smoke detectors go off sometime two weeks ago, right after he'd moved it.

"I'm sorry." I was amused as I looked across at him frowning that deeply into his food.

"It's not your fault I'm so inept at cooking." He looked just _so_ disappointed with himself as he took another bite, making me even more amused. We were quiet for a second as the food was slowly eaten.

"I could teach you some, if you'd like." I shrugged then froze as I realised what I'd just offered to this guy. Wow, Lillian. Why not just do his laundry too, huh?

"That wouldn't be very fair, all your hard work for nothing in return but me understanding the basics of cooking." He fretted, looking back across the table at me as he shoveled another forkful into his mouth. I stared at him for a second as I chewed, thinking about this seriously. Was cooking lessons for a guy I was creeping on a good idea? I mean...it'd help him right? And it gave me something to do. I had little else to do when it came to life.

"You could buy all the supplies and we could use your place." I offered my terms for evening the playing ground so to speak.

"Alright." He nodded looking pleased with himself as I realised that he'd finished the plate entirely.

"Did your mother never teach you how to cook at all?" It was maybe a second after that I actually processed how personal that could be...and so the awkward silence progressed.

"No. She sort of passed away when I graduated high-school." He replied quietly.

"Oh. I'm sorry." I mumbled, looking down at my plate.

"Well I should get going." He seemed to realise the awkward circumstances as well, pushing away from the table rather quickly. I stood as well, taking my plate to the sink as he did the same. His landed in the sink next to mine while I turned on the water, he went around me.

"See you." I nodded to him when he was maybe halfway down the hallway, looking to run. I didn't blame him, this seemed to be little out of his comfort zone.

I looked back down to the sink as I heard the door open. "Thank you for your help and dinner." His need to display his manners were just as funny to me as him looking like a lost puppy, it made me smile down at the dishes.

"No problem." I chuckled, squeezing soap onto the sponge and set to cleaning the dishes as he closed the door. I could hear him practically run to his door and slam it shut. He sounded a little stressed when he sat down somewhere inside there, muttering to himself about independence and starting new things. I left the water running, trying to sneak to the couch and pull out my pad of paper to write down little blurbs that I'd learned.

_Can't cook_

_Doesn't understand a lot of tech stuff._

_Born in 1920, July fourth_

_Mother died as a teen_

I paused my writing as I heard him open his door but he didn't take a few steps forwards instead he seemed to stand there. _I should really have helped her with the dishes._ He sounded regretful as he muttered it.

_Well mannered...gentleman._

I put the pen and notebook back under the couch cushion and went to sneak back across the floor to the sink, continuing to wash dishes. He seemed to stand there for a few more seconds before he decided not to come knocking again and went back into his own apartment. Interesting.


	10. Chapter 10

I jumped at the sound of a fist hitting my computer monitor twice, lightly. "Got anything for me?" I looked away from the screen to see Clara and slowly nodded. She raised a brow signalling for me to speak finally.

"His favourite colour is blue and he was born on the fourth of July, 1920." I recounted smoothly as though I was merely filling out a dating profile. I still felt just too plain weird to tell her anything about his personal info like his mother's death or that he couldn't figure out cell phones.

"Wow, could you get any less interesting? We're a newspaper, not a tween girls 'Whose your Hunk?' quiz." She admonished me, sitting back down to her portion on the other side of the desks.

"I'm giving him cooking lessons later." I shrugged as she paused.

"Oh thats good. Take some notes and I can fluff it out into a nice feel-goodey article to get us started with Silvia." She nodded, giving me a thumbs up with her praise. Silvia was our boss of sorts, all the articles went through her to be placed and edited, if it wasn't good enough for Silvia, it just wasn't happening for The Gate's headlines.

"Would you be willing to get me some coffee?" It was maybe an hour later that I looked away from the monitor again to see Clara pouting with her hands clasped under her chin. I rolled my eyes but nodded nonetheless. "Thanks Lils!" She clapped, grinning now as I saved my work and stood.

I found my way to the coffee station and felt my shoulders visibly deflate, empty. This was the one flaw of an office coffee maker, the person who got the last cup was scot free but the next guy had to refill it and wait. We all had a separate week to bring in the coffee grounds so that was pretty even but I was still bothered by the whole last-out-no-problem, gig we had going.

I pulled two cups, red and blue out of the cabinets above me and set to filling the coffee maker with black grounds. I propped my head up with my elbows resting on the counter to wait for it all to even start. I saw movement and looked next to me to see a brown haired, blue eyed man lean on the counter next to me.

"Lillian, right?" He looked interested with me as I looked at him fully, nodding.

He put his hand forwards to be shaken with my eyes following his movements. "Thomas Brown." He greeted with a small smile as I put my hand in his to shake it.

"Nice to meet you. I write the advice column." I offered slowly. Instead of shaking his hand, he held mine still to bring it towards his lips. I felt my brows furrow with confusion as I watched him lightly kiss my third knuckle and let go of it slowly. This was new...ish for me. Men would often to that to me when they first met me when I was younger but it quickly stopped as the word spread around that I was a suffragette.

"Oh yeah, my ex-girlfriend used to read that crap. She always said you were a bit of a feminist." He snorted as I laughed lightly by blowing air quietly out of my mouth. He didn't know the half of it.

"I guess you could say that." I nodded, looking back to the coffee maker to watch little black drops fall from the middle into the glass below.

"Nice to finally meet the real thing though." He seemed like he was talking more to himself now but I acknowledged it none the less by actually looking at him and smiling.

"Are you new here then?" I raised a brow as I realised I hadn't actually seen him around here before.

"Yeah. Got in last week and found myself totally lost on the subway." He grinned, revealing white teeth all straight in a line.

"Everyone does at some point." I smiled back to keep it light and casual while I looked back to see that pot was finally filled, thank god. I turned towards the counter to grab the two cups I'd set out prior, to find he'd already grabbed them and was holding both out to me.

"Uh. Thanks." I nodded as I looked between the cups and his muted excitement. I slowly took them out of his hands, unsure of what exactly just happened here.

"No problem." He tipped his head down and grabbed another down. I turned away from him to pour the coffee and grab sugar cubes and creamer packets in one big, clumsy handful to bring to Clara.

"I'll see you around Lillian." Thomas called as I tried to keep my steps calm and contained walking away from him. I looked back over my shoulder with a polite smile and focused on getting back to the desk.

I handed Clara the red cup as I stood behind her. "Who's the new guy?" I kept my voice low and took a sip while I let go of the fist full of sugar and creamer onto her desk. Her side was always messy as hell while mine was only a little messy. We decorated ours for all the holidays but we were also known for being the messy twosome of the office.

"Which one?" She snorted as she took two cubes and dropped them, stirring the coffee with her pen.

"Brown hair, strong jaw, plaid shirt." I listed off his features and looked down towards the screen to avoid drawing attention while she searched the room for him.

"Oh, Thomas Brown. He moved here like two weeks ago from LA, sports guy. Cute, kinda awkward though." She shrugged, offering her two cents on the man she'd probably spoken to once or twice. I felt myself relax a little as I realised he was just a general weirdo. That was much better than only being a weirdo around me.

* * *

I'd gotten home pretty late tonight but this was when I realised I hadn't spoken to Steve or done laundry in the last week. Crap. I've been dodging Thomas's questions and just skulking around in general. He kept getting bolder and bolder, even going so far as to staying late with me. I'd ran out of the office when I realised his desk was the only other one inhabited.

I paused as I stepped off the elevator, wondering as to whether or not I should knock on Steve's door or just go straight to mine. Man was a strong hermit and I didn't want to step on his toes. Plus its like 10 at night already. I took a step forwards my own door when his door opened, his eyes on mine.

"Lilly. Hey." He greeted me awkwardly, holding his phone in his hands. I gave a wave from where I was, not quite responding but taking him in instead, he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt again, street clothes.

"I um...Well. I know this is going to sound really stupid and all but I can't quite get my phone to _close_ the little circle thing anymore and I've been coming to your place but you weren't home?" He tilted his head as he recounted his efforts.

"Yeah. Sorry about that, I've been staying pretty late. I can help out now, if you'd like. " I shrugged, with a hand wrapped around my bag of groceries. I really should just shop once a month and stock up with that but I almost enjoyed the daily ritual of going to the supermarket.

"That would be great actually." He gave me a shaky smile and took two steps forwards, taking the bag out of my hands. I took the phone from his own and woke up the screen to find it was stuck on a _Google_ search for Steve Rogers. I felt a tiny smile push it's way onto my lips as I looked up as his sheepish face.

"I wanted to see what everyone thought of me on the internet." He shrugged, holding the bag of vegetables and fruit.

"Fair enough." I snorted, hitting the home button.

"Also, I uh wanted to know if we were still on for cooking lessons before I forget and I don't see you for another week." He offered a small teasing smile as he handed me my groceries back. I handed him the phone in return. We'd essentially done a trade off while I nodded, thinking.

"Yeah, totally. We could start tonight if you'd like." I shrugged, casually offering for myself to just saunter into his apartment. Again, Lillian...what the hell are you doing? Its like 10:30 now and he's obviously on his way to do something...what ever it is he would do at 10:30 PM on a Thursday.

"Actually I'm on my way to get some coffee." He shrugged, holding the phone warily.

"You don't sleep much, do you?" I tilted my head, as I recounted this little fact as though it surprised. I knew he didn't sleep much. He was up when I was up, I could hear him humming along to an old song or cleaning the bathroom around 4 or 5 AM.

"Not really, no. My body runs 4 times faster than anyone else's so I don't sleep much and I can't get drunk." He snorted, looking back at me as though he knew I was pretending to be surprised.

"Side effects, you know?" He was watching me as I raised a brow. It felt like he was onto me somehow, like he knew what I was. I mean he knew that I didn't heal as slowly as most but he couldn't _know,_ could he?

"Yeah. I don't sleep much either." I gave him a shaky smile. My own side effects were similar but on top of those I knew I was barren, infertile, whatever you wanted to call it. I never bled month to month, in fact I'd forgotten all about it until Clara mentioned something about her cramps one day and all I could do was just stare at her in confusion.

"I know." He returned the smile, before glancing around the empty, quiet, floor. I didn't respond, only tightening my grip on the lettuce I could feel through the plastic.

"Want to join me for a cup? It'd be my treat for dinner." He stuck his hands in his pockets, phone in tow. No way in hell am I about to take that bait for more questions or little blurbs that make me paranoid as hell.

"Uh. I'll take a rain check for coffee but I'll see you tomorrow around 7 for a lesson in pasta? " I pursed my lips as I gave him a small smile, offering a time and place for the lesson's to go on even though my heart felt like a cage of angry bees threatening to break out at any second. Years being around idiots and psychopaths alike with power and guns gave me an ability to keep my cool...though I haven't had to use it in ages.

"Alright, Lilly. See you then." He nodded, looking just as awkward as I felt right now. I was trying to keep my cool, he couldn't know. I'd only messed up one time and I could totally play that off...somehow. He hadn't called the police and he hadn't come around asking a million questions either. While that was good, it was also bad. If he didn't ask questions then he already had answers.

I went to take a step to the side right as he did which forced a round of awkward laughter as we both went to take another step to the other side. Eventually I just put my hand on his shoulder and forcibly moved him around in a circle so that he was closest to the elevators. He gave me a rough head bobble as he pressed the down button. I did the same and fished my keys out of my pocket, opening the door and clicking across the linoleum floors in my heels to the kitchen.

I sat everything down and stared at my computer on the couch in the living room. I could _Google_ myself, see if there was actually anything to be worried about right now. I looked between the bruised lettuce in my hands and the laptop again then abandoned the lettuce quickly.

I typed in 'Officer X' into the search bar with some vengeance and waited with bated breath as it loaded. There were seven grainy pictures of me in the black, maskless, HYDRA uniform above a list of sites that discussed what part I played in WWII. I clicked on the pictures out of curiosity and watched my face glare back at me in black and white through the screen.

There were quite a few of them, one when Hitler took his victory stroll through Paris, another in Nuremberg, and a few others with the leader. I was always told I had feminine features but masculine posture. I suppose it was true when my hair was hidden under a black hat, my hands behind my back and my stance wide in black boots

There was even one of me with Halles, another when I was still only a Suffragette, standing outside the white house. Old memory's ran through me as I came across one with Vivian. She was toasting to someone's casket. I clicked on it out of curiosity, it was connected to a news article.

The title read out _Another Suffragette Gone._ I tilted my head as I read through the article, it was about me. That was my casket. Wow. It was an alienating feeling to see your own bloody casket. Vivian looked sad but resolute as she toasted my coffin with one hand on it.

I scrolled down to see this was apart of a message board called 'Officer X, where is she now?' then one of me that was much more...modern. I was crossing the street, not looking at the camera but I was close enough that you could see my features. This had to be sometime last week because I remembered wearing that white shirt and pencil skirt very clearly.

The title underneath was almost funny "Coincidence? I think not.", it'd been posted under the user 'HeadersareBetters'.This person had been arguing that I wasn't dead like many thought, that I was alive and living in New York City under the same name of Lillian Prooms. I booked marked the page, deciding to keep it in mind if another close by picture came up. It felt like I had an underground fan club, one that I didn't necessarily want.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot a chapter so like months later I'm here to reorganise it all c:

I knocked twice on Steve's door at exactly 7:01 PM. It felt weird being here and it was about to get even weirder when he actually opened the door. Despite me listening to nearly his every move, I'd never seen the inside of his apartment.

When I'd first moved into apartment living, it was...uncomfortable to say the least. I heard every single time someone peed, had sex, or even just burped. I didn't like it. It felt too much like an invasion of their privacy and then I was paranoid that _they_ could hear _me._ Of course now at least one of them could hear me, that much I knew.

I jumped a little as the door opened in one swift motion. "Oh hey." Steve's neutral face broke into a small smile as he greeted me.

"Hiya." I gave a short wave, holding up the spaghetti recipe card in my other hand. "I don't know if you have any of this stuff but I was about to go shopping for some of it." I shrugged in my street clothes as I stood outside of his door, I'd rushed from work into my apartment to change and then found that I was about to be late to his place despite not having any of the ingredients.

"Oh no problem. Come on in, I'll be quick and we can go grab it. " He nodded, leaving the door open for me as he walked back into his place. It was darker in there than I'd thought it would be, somehow I was expecting the same atmosphere you'd find in a farm house in Steve's place...damn was I disappointed. The furniture was sparse, lighting dim, and his desk and counters were littered with old case files.

I took a step closer, being nosy as hell while I pushed open one to reveal a Howard Anthony Stark. He had a son, Anthony Edward Stark who was involved in some kind of weapons program. Some of these I'd seen before, especially Peggy's and Bruce Banner's, but my own wasn't in here it looked like.

"Ready?" His voice echoed in here, making me jump.

"Yup!" I looked over my shoulder quickly and nodded roughly, speed walking away from where I'd been pushing the envelope on professional curiosity. He was still wearing his odd little baseball hat and a brown jacket that covered most of his torso.

He didn't say anything as we left, going to the elevator. He didn't even say anything as we left the building entirely. I was starting to feel like the awkward atmosphere was crushing me when he spoke up finally.

"Do you poke through people's case files a lot?" His tone was quirky, he was teasing me...I think.

"Only when the mood strikes me." I shrugged, letting a lazy grin roll over my face. I'd taken a bet that he was only teasing but Steve didn't really _seem_ like the type to dance around an issue. Or more that I was hoping he wasn't because I did.

"Oh." He snorted, shaking his head with a grin. "I see." He held open the market's door, allowing me in first.

I went to grab a basket when Steve beat me to it again and merely gave me a sheepish grin as I huffed. "You know I can hold stuff too, right?"

"Yeah but it's my treat tonight. We'll see if I don't poison us both." He nodded, giving me the same grin from before. I rolled my eyes and said nothing more as I looked down at the list for pasta, 2 cans of sauce, meat, and onions.

We'd grabbed nearly all of it with me giving off handed comments about how to tell which was the best by smell and look, how long they'd last once you bought them and so on. He was attentive, kept writing things down when I waved a hand for a certain amount of infliction in my explanations of sniffing the vines of tomatoes or squeezing them lightly.

"Lillian?" A male voice echoed down the aisle we were on, making me freeze. You've got to be fucking _kidding_ me. I stared forwards, gripping a tomato while Steve looked confusedly between me and the echoing voice of Thomas.

"Hey, Thomas Brown." He'd already jogged up, introducing himself to Steve while I set my face into a polite smile as I scanned over his person. He was shopping but it was sparse making me feel like he'd just gotten here. If he just some how showed up outside my door, I'm going to punch him in the dick...and probably scream.

"Steve." Steve shook his hand but angled his hat down, farther over his face. He didn't want a mob of fans but I seriously doubted he'd get one out of Thomas Brown.

"What are you two doing out together? Shopping for a nice dinner?" Thomas was friendly, annoyingly so. He was just so chatty and kind that others got over his little weirdness _so_ quickly that it seemed to not even matter. It mattered to me. He was just _too_ normal. Too easy to overlook.

"He's out helping me shop, Thomas." I grounded out, looking at him with the same pinched smile. This just got really friggin' awkward.

"Oh yeah? You live around here?" He raised a brow, motioning to the area. I felt a slight raise of my hair as the feeling that someone was watching me sunk in, my shoulders tensed as I scanned the aisle.

I'd totally forgotten to respond to him and elected not to at all as I dropped the onion back into the plastic basket and looked Steve in the eye with a frozen expression. "I'll see you outside. I...I need some air." I whispered the last part as I began to moved past both of them towards the exit. I rushed outside and bent at the waist with my hands on my hips, taking in deep breaths of cold air.

I've adjusted rather well to normal life as it changed through the years. I'd adapted. I knew how everything worked and all but what really scared me sometimes was the internet. It was such a vicious source of unadulterated information, it could be my undoing or worse somehow. Things weren't forgotten there and everything today flowed through the internet. Someone could have seen me with three shots to my torso outside of Steve and snapped a picture. Someone could be watching me right now and I'd never kno-

I felt a short scream pop out of my chest when I felt a hand land on my shoulder. "Lilly? You alright?" Steve was concerned...honestly I would be too. He touched me and I almost screamed bloody murder.

"I-I'm great! Really." I put a hand over my chest as I almost hyperventilated, nodding to his question. He didn't look convinced, watching me as I stood fully now and tensed each time the door opened behind him. I was trying really hard not to be so obvious that I was having issues but Steve seemed to understand it, waiting patiently.

"Okay, lets go." I took in a deep breath, nodding to myself to take a few steps forwards...I didn't. Steve didn't really move either, despite me saying we should go. I wasn't moving either, no matter how much I willed myself to go. If I was going to be totally honest here, I felt like my chest was caving in and I was about to die at any moment.

"We've got all night, Lilly." He shrugged, putting his hand in his pocket. I watched tensely as he slowly pulled out his phone, seemingly giving me a chance to look it over before he held it up and turned on the screen. White then black, then blue colours flashed up on his face as he stared down at it. He frowned exaggeratedly before hold the phone screen up to me.

"Can you change my time and date back?" He looked innocent enough, making me nod slowly. I took in a breath and let it out, focusing solely on his phone and taking out my own to change it back to the current time and day. I felt much more calm when I handed him back the phone and he began to walk slowly as I fell into step with him. I was quiet at first, until we got into the elevator really.

"Sorry about all of that." I apologized quietly, not quite meeting his eyes. I felt ridiculous, almost embarrassed at the dramatics I just put on for a guy that literally only wanted to learn how to cook.

"Hey, I of all people understand the panic that comes with adapting to a new thing. Sometimes you just need a little distraction." He shrugged, making me realise what he'd done earlier with the phone. It was a complete focus for me. He'd distracted me from the panic with that ploy.

"Oh you sly dog." I snorted, shaking my head at the slow grin that fell over his features. "How was he by the way?" I raised a brow, motioning back towards the market with my head. I almost hit the side of the elevator but stopped just short, it would have hurt the elevator more than me.

"You mean after you beat feet out of there?" He raised a brow as I nodded at his light tone of choice. "Wanted to know all about you, if you...had any funny abilities." His tone changed from light to careful as he trailed off in a shrug.

"What'd you say?" I paused, staring forwards as I realised just how cramped we were in this elevator. He could easily attack me if he wanted and I'd have to fight back and hurt him, I didn't feel like he could heal like I did even though he could hear me through the walls.

"I said you were a lovely, ordinary girl." He replied respectfully as I let out a raspy breath. Steve could be trusted.

"Right. Well then, onto the pasta." I smiled shakily as I stepped off the elevator first, allowing him room to unlock his door. All the doors here automatically locked from the outside, I'd recognized that little fact when I locked myself out of the apartment to run downstairs for a pizza.

He was fun to teach, attentive and respectful even as I fucked up certain things told him that he really shouldn't do it like I did. I felt like we'd fallen back into a child's game when I decided to poke him on the nose with sauce on my fingers.

"Oh it's on now." He grinned, as he seemed to issue a challenge at that point, flicking me with red tomato paste. I returned fire, covering him in red specks when he did the same so I switched tactics and went ahead with trying to jab him with stiff pasta.

"Alright! Alright! The pasta's boiling over!" I grinned as I went to swat his hands away from my face hastily running over to blow on the pasta. Steve's laughter was loud and deep while mine felt more like a manic cackle.

"Luckily for you, I've got two whole plates." I blinked and found Steve on the other side of me. We'd moved quickly around each other...quickly enough that made me realize he could move as fast as I could. He didn't seem perturbed by that at all, just chuckling to himself and pulling off his little apron that was now stained with red speckles. For once, it felt like his dim and dingey apartment was happy like I thought it should be.


	12. Chapter 12

I was walking home, jumping from street light to street light, trying to stay aware and awake. Thomas had backed off lately but when I checked the site last night, two more pictures had popped up nearly a week after the run in at the market. This had been very trying for me, the last few days.

The first was through the market window with only my side facing the camera, Steve's frame took up most of the shot...I think I was talking to him about calorie counts in pastas and whole wheat versus white. Another was Steve holding up the apartment building door for me. They were closer. Too close. Who ever this was, knew exactly where I lived now if they didn't already.

I heard a snap behind me accompanied by a flash then the sound of someone cussing and stopped. I didn't turn, frozen in a nauseating amount of confusion as to what I should do. Should I sprint and take them by surprise? What happens if they just had the shit luck to be walking behind me today, totally innocent? Another step and I was going to flip. I waited a second and heard it.

In a flash I'd spun and ran straight for the man that stood a few feet back with speed. He was taken unaware but fought back still, it actually took me some strength to press him against the wall. He swung and hit me in the side of the jaw but stopped as I did the same back to him. My own knocked his head only a little but didn't really appear to be phased by it.

"SHIT! I am so sorry, I forgot you were a girl." He apologized breathy with genuine remorse in his voice, it made me want to laugh but I said nothing anyways.

We maintained eye contact for a good while as I realised he was rather built but poorly dressed, tacky even with dusty blonde hair and a scraggly five o'clock shadow. He was wearing guns, I could tell by the smell of gun powder that he'd fired one in the last 24 hours at least.

"Nice to meet you too, lady." He'd stopped, gaining control of himself again with his arms raised in surrender as he snorted. His breathing was shallow and labored. Human then.

"Why are you following me?" My voice was sharp as glass shards. I would hurt him if he didn't leave me alone and I think he'd realised that but instead of looking scared, he looked amused.

"You're stronger than I gave you credit for. Kudos to you." He snorted, patting my shoulder despite the fact that my hand was wrapped around his throat. "You been taking some martial arts classes? I heard that helps but man, I like my pizza. " He nodded to himself as I stared incredulously back at him.

"Plus I never really got the whole 'use your powers for good spiel'." He sighed, looking at the sky.

"Who the hell are you?" He was so freaking casual. I took a step back, tilting my head. He wasn't a threat it seemed...until I saw him reach for something under his jacket and snatched his hand. I'd seen the glint of his weapons underneath the shabby jacket and wife beater under the street lights.

"Its a business card. Jesus, muscle-woman. Paranoid much?" He rolled his eyes, continuing to grab the card and handing to me. I looked down at the crumpled, and yellowed paper with curiosity.

_Wade Wilson_

_Merc for hire_

_See Weasel at the bar for the deets._

"You...have business cards for being a hired assassin?" I raised both of my brows, even more incredulous as I looked up at him. I struggled to call this a business card given it's state but it did have a phone number written in pen below the introduction and an address.

"I _had_ a business _card._ " He nodded towards the card with a pointed look. I rolled my eyes but went to hand it back.

"Oh, no no. You can have that one, call me up for a good spankin' time." He shook his head and winked, I had to stop a smile from forming at his behaviour. He was funny and light hearted. Something I lacked in my life so far.

"Who opened up a hit on me then?" I remembered why I was actually so paranoid, he'd practically disarmed me with humor. Sonvabitch.

"Oh sorry, I should really explain. Mercenary work is my specialty but you can pretty much hire me for anything. Body guard, stalker-scarer-offer, date." He winked at that one. "But seriously, I'm just for hire." He shrugged at this point, leaning back against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

"Okay then. Who hired you and _why?_ " I pursed my lips, losing some of my patience.

"Didn't drop a name but he paid me the big buckaroos to tail you from afar for pictures of whatever you do." He made motions with his hands to mimic a picture frame before he waved his arms all around. He was expressive, apparently. I usually just stood there like a rock when I spoke unless I was incredibly interested in the subject.

"Why?" I raised a brow at him.

"He didn't say that part either." He raised his hands up in surrender as I audibly growled at the lack of details. "Hey, I'm just not choosy."

"Apparently not. Do you even know what he looked like? What if he tried to hurt you?" I waved to his person incredulously.

"Awe. You _do_ like me, after all." He put a hand over his heart as he teased me.

"Barely." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

"He had really brown hair, if that helps." He shrugged, letting his hands slide into his jacket's pockets. It was furry looking but maybe just wool or something of the sort because it looked to just be brown and white. I'd have to take matters into my own hands, it seemed.

"Stop taking pictures of me and posting them." I leaned against him, whispering and pressing my body close to his to draw his attention away from where my hands were wandering.

"Don't have to ask me twice." His own wrapped themselves on my hips, squeezing lightly. I trailed my fingers down to his ass pockets and felt the little square, it was either a phone, camera, or wallet.

"Oh yeah?" My voice was forcibly husky, I'd seen this done so many times by Clara, I could mimic it in my sleep. I slide my hands into his pockets, feeling the object a I squeezed his ass. Camera. I could feel the button. I grasped it and squeezed as hard as I could, feeling the metal give away and crinkle with the glass shattering inside. It bit at my palm but I could care less.

"Wha..." He froze, realising what I'd just done. His eyes darted down to mine in half-hearted annoyance. "God damn it." His swearing only made me smile. I pulled away as he immediately pulled the camera out of his pocket to find it bent out of shape, almost like a cone.

"If I see you around again, it's your nose next." I gave him a half-hearted salute with two fingers off the side of my head and turned away to walk back to my apartment. I could still hear him grumbling and cussing me out as the distance between us grew larger and larger.

* * *

I stared at the computer screen, a sinking feeling in my stomach. The user had updated with a text post, directed to me personally. I took in a deep, slow breath of warm air into my lungs as I clicked on it.

_**NOTICE OF EVICTION: OFFICER X** _

_Crushing my camera wasn't very nice, it's going to come out of the merc's pocket if you don't come out finally. I chased you all the way to New York City and I know you have his card, Lillian._

_Get out and go to the bar, 8 PM, Saturday._

Today was Saturday, it'd taken Wade over two days to actually get back to him so he wasn't staying at the bar. Probably. He sounded pretty harsh but everyone sounded harsh to me, I didn't quite understand how to read between the lines of people's messages and online voices.

It was only 7 so I had literally an hour to think it over and get over there. I really didn't want to do anything. Wade had gotten himself into this when he took the job...though I don't think he was really given all the information he should have been. But it wasn't my fault that he hadn't known. He should have asked. Now I should go do the right thing and rescue him for a camera I broke.

I stood quickly, taking stock of any feasible plan I could use. I could grab my old gun and uniform but both were rather eye catching. I was surprised the government even let me keep the memorabilia, they were probably due to be put in a museum by now...but who would go see it? No one knew about me. I wasn't famous, rather I was mysterious for most. Why the hell did I even google myself? I'd be totally unaware to this asshole and nothing would matter.

I jumped up onto the couch with a short shriek as I heard a banging on my door. "Lilly?" Steve's concern was audible, making me swallow heavily before stepping off the couch...like a normal person. Nothing to see here, just stepping off of my couch.

I peek open through the crack at him. "Hi." I greeted warily eyeing his hands. He held an apron, it seemed. Strings hanging down off of his arms with thicker bands on the top-half. It was blue. Sky blue. My favourite colour.

"You alright?" He tilted his head, looking at me.

"Peachy." I smiled tightly, wanting to hurry this up before Wade paid the price for my need of privacy.

"You don't look peachy. You look terrified." He remarked plainly, looking at me with shades of disbelief. I slapped a hand over my face, covering my features as I stared at the ground.

"Look, what do you want, Steve?" I asked, tiredly.

"Well...You were late so I came by to see if you were okay." He recounted slowly, as though I was supposed to get something. I furrowed my brow, looking back up at him. What was I supposed to do with him today? All I could think about were the minutes counting down as I stared at him. It dawned on me maybe a second later, when I realised why he was holding an apron.

"OH." I exclaimed, opening the door up fully to pat his shoulder. "I'm really sorry but I have to take a rain-check on our lesson tonight. Could we try it tomorrow?" I raised a brow, hopeful that he wouldn't take this as a personal insult. Christ, he's big. How did he even fit into the shower? I knew for a fact mine was probably better for a child and he was at-least a foot taller than me.

"Oh yeah, if you've got something to do. Don't let me keep you from it." He pursed his lips, looking away from me as he shrugged. My hand slipped off his shoulder and rested by my side as I felt guilt at bailing on him when he'd seemed to look forwards to it.

"It's not you, really. I-Something's come up and a friend of mine is in trouble and its kinda my fault." I explained haphazardly with a wave of my hand. Steve perked back up at that, looking excited but nervous.

"If you needed some muscle, I could help you out. Make it a payment for ruining your shirt last week." He offered himself up, making me take a second to think about it as he brought up the tomato sauce fight from the last lesson.

"I...would appreciate that." I nodded quickly, leaving the door open behind me as I started towards my bedroom. "Come in. Make yourself at home or whatever." I called out quickly and shut the bedroom door, going for the safe in my closet. The landlord thought it was a little strange for a girl to have a such a big gun safe in New York City and not be a dealer, but under S.H.I.E.L.D it went over without a hitch.

I stared at my old uniform with a touch of nostalgia, glancing at some of the dresses and jewelry that had been my favorites when I was young and it was in style. Vivian had always loved the colour purple on me, she'd claimed it brought out how blue my eyes could be. She was gone now. Why did I keep this one?

I ran my fingers down the silks and purple chiffon with a surplice front that combined the sash ends in one. It was stylish and feminine with plaits running down the sides to bring the attention to my figure and the french lining. It'd been a gift. A gift from my father when I turned 18.

Sometimes I wondered what happened to him and my mother, other times I said good riddance. I'd never bothered to read their files despite Peggy giving them to me years ago. Instead they sat on a shelf in this safe. This safe held all the little things that made up my life inside it.

I pushed it back into the safe and pulled out my boots and pants, electing to take a simple form fitting black sweater instead of flashing him with my HYDRA ranking. Steve would know what the emblem meant and then it'd be a whole other row of questions. Ones I didn't want to answer.

"Ready?" I opened my bedroom door after sliding the cube pistol into the waist band on my pants. Steve eyed it for a second before focusing back on my face and tilting his head. "What?" I raised a brow at his expression, pulling my hair up into in a bun on top of my head.

"Nothin, you just looked like someone I met a long time ago." He shrugged, turning to hold open the door for me. I suppose having lived as long as he had, you'd find a few faces that looked familiar to those who you'd lost. I did all the time. Even Steve's face had reminded me of someone who I just couldn't remember.


	13. Chapter 13

The bar was in the...less popular area of the city. Weed and cigarette smoke floated through the air, mixing with the smell of piss. I could hear a group of me around the corner, rowdy. Okay, here we go. I'm about to scare the ever loving god into Steve at this point, all his innocence and good will towards men was about to fly out the window.

I said nothing to the men standing outside but I could feel their eyes on me. They had to be really frickin' curious as to why a girl like me was in a bar like this, _I_ was curious and I had some inkling as to why I was here.

It was murky inside, dim lighting and the stale smell of cigarette smoke wafted up to burn my eyes as I pushed through people to get to the bar. I walked with heavy feet and long strides, the whole point was so I at least _looked_ like I knew what I was doing. In reality, I had all of zero clue as to what one does here. Do you go to the bar? Yell out the name Wade Wilson? What if he wasn't liked here and I just got Steve and I into a lot of crap for doing it?

I stood at the bar rather awkwardly, which that alone seemed to have caught the bar keep's attention. He wore rounded glasses that seemed to be dusty. I had to stop myself from reaching across the bar and cleaning those and his mussed hair. Or maybe he'd just never brushed it, was that in nowadays?

"When can I do you-Um. Uh, sorry. That came out really wrong." He was nervous but whether or not that was from me or from Steve, I didn't know. "Wade's usually better with the chicks." He sighed.

Steve blocked my frame from the other individuals in the room by standing between them and myself. I was a little worried that Steve would think that my friends are _actually_ like this when I had absolutely no idea who these people were and I barely knew Wade. What am I _doing_ here? But I mean. It is kind of sweet that he's trying to be nice and all that, accompanying a girl to the worst part of town to find a guy she'd met maybe once...though he thought I was friends with Wade.

"Sorry, what _beverage_ would you like to enjoy in this...sort of okay establishment?" He was shining a glass with what looked like the same rag someone used to clean their engine with.

"Yeah, no. No thanks, I'll have nothing." I gave him a tight smile and leaned onto the bar top to attempt a covert conversation. "I'm actually looking for a Wade Wilson." I spoke over the patrons in the room in an attempt to be heard. His face erupted in a wave of recognition as he seemed to sigh in defeat.

"WADE!" All heads turn towards Steve and I in one fell swoop. I was almost impressed with the synchronicity until Wade caught my attention by pushing his way through the crowd, curious looking. _Now,_ I'm just as curious as to why I was here.

"Oh shit. Hey!" He gave a boyish grin and waved. My mouth dropped open in bewilderment as he came to stand next to me at the bar, eyeing Steve deftly over my shoulder.

"Didn't think you'd call so soon, sweetheart." I rolled my eyes at his comment but responded nonetheless...possibly to make it clear to Steve that his wasn't my boyfriend or anything even past an acquaintance

"Not in your lifetime." I patted him on the shoulder roughly as he leaned on the counter, a pool stick still in his hand.

"And what brings you to my neck of the woods?" He raised a brow, motioning to the bar with his stick.

"I got a little bit of a...warning note? Pretty sure it's from _your_ employer and that you were supposed to be dead." Pursing my lips, I crossed my arms over my chest as I sighed.

"Aw. You came all the way down here for little ol' me?" He teased me with a grin, I rolled my eyes and said nothing more.

"Wade Wilson, big guy." He leaned around me, putting a hand out for Steve. I'd guessed Steve had shaken it because Wade stepped back with a nod but then the merc seemed to pause.

"Well. Fuck me up the ass, are you Captain America?" Wade looked impressed as he grinned. I looked back as Steve seemed to sigh and nod slowly. He didn't look all that happy about it, like he was resigning himself to something awful.

"Great work, man. I used to be special Ops. Always heard some great shit about you and an Officer something." Wade clapped him on the shoulder with a head bobble. I never took him for much of a patriot but I suppose it made sense if he was special ops at one point.

"Officer X, probably. Everyone's always grouping us. I think I met her maybe once and when I did, I took a huge chunk out of her shoulder by accident. " Steve shook his head with a smile.

"I'd love to talk to her now but she's pretty much fallen out of com with everything and everyone. She was a good woman though. Strong." He was relieved looking but I froze. _Steve_ was _that_ guy? The dorky one? In the stupid red, white, and blue suit!? SERIOUSLY? THAT GUY HAD A GOD DAMN STAR ON HIS FOREHEAD.

"You okay there? You look like you just licked an elephant's dick." Wade elbowed me gently, as I gaped at Steve's confused face. His brows furrowed as I found it in myself to press my mouth closed. I _knew_ there was something off with that guy and now I know it's because he stole Schmidt right out of my grasp. The absolute bastard, that should have been _my_ kill.

"Son of a dick." I mumbled, still staring incredulously up at Steve, meeting his baby blues. It forced a flash of memory, Halles' face of betrayal when I showed my true colours and utter chaos. Well...what do I do now?

"I just need some air." I grounded out warily, turning away from the crowds of bikers and other assorted degenerates.

When I got outside, I took stock of everything that had just happened, where I was...and what I've done with my life to date. So. I was tricked for some strange reason, into one of the worst sides of town for a guy I barely cared for, and with a guy I barely knew or even liked at this point. He knew nothing about me. I'd pretty much lied to him, just great. And I've done like next to nothing with my ridiculously long life...Great job, Lillian. Just. Great.

I mean I knew Captain America was a super human and all but theres so _many_ these was I supposed to know he'd been that guy? I'd been silently stalking what is essentially my arch enemy for the last few months for a career boost and fuzzy warm feelings in my chest. I kicked a wooden crate with enough force to have it splinter off into random directions with nothing left around my foot except slivers of wood and staples.

That felt good but I wanted to do it more. I looked to the side of what used to be the crate and eyed the wall for a good second or two because I elected to pull my arm back, roll my fingers into a fist, and let it all fly into the dirt covered bricks. Shards of brick bounced off of my face and hair from the force, but I couldn't feel them hurting me anymore.

"Seems like you've got quite the punch there, Miss Prooms." Steve Rodger's voice spoke up as I wriggled my fist back out of the wall. Well now hes _got_ to know who I am.

I let out a deep sigh and moved some of my fallen hair out of the way before I turned to speak to this dorky, red, white, and blue, tighty-whitey wearing, arch-enemy of mine. I met eyes with him and opened my mouth to explain it all when _his_ face turned to one of panic. As if _he_ should be panicking.

I closed my mouth again as he tried to yell something at me, "BEE-"

I raised my arms to ask him what on earth he was trying to say by yelling Bee when I felt the old, familiar pinching sensation from my days with Halles and HYDRA. The cold liquid worked awfully well, igniting some sort of rage in my heart and soul yet again. It was blinding, I looked towards Steve and just felt all of my reasons boil down to his pure existence.

"You." I gritted my teeth and stalked forwards with the intention of ripping his head off his shoulders with my bare hands.

"Lilly?" He seemed wary. Good. I like my prey to cry a little, it made the chase so much more fun.

"If you didn't stop me from killing him," I snarled, wrapping a hand around his throat with the full intention of crushing it. "if you hadn't been such a fucking clumsy idiot 60 fucking years ago, I wouldn't _be_ here right now." His feet were still touching the floor, no matter. I had the strength to lift this flimsy man up enough to break him on the fall. _No one can stop you. You're indestructible._

"Lillian. It's me, Steve. I-I'm sorry I stole him out from under you." He apologized rather calmly, though he seemed concerned and he kept looking behind me urgently.

"I wouldn't _have_ to feel so alone. So out of fucking place." He'd begun to struggle though it seemed muted, as though he were more concerned with not hurting me? Did I want to hurt him? _Yes. Rip him in half._ That didn't feel like it was me, it felt like I'd been...infected with something. Rage. No-no. I just _hate_ him.

"I lost everyone, you know that?" I hissed, bringing him closer to my face to get my message across before I lined up my fist to knock his fucking head back.

"I did too." He mumbled this as I felt a massive weight slam into my side. It took me by surprise and forced a second of decision making and processing to go thru my head before I started to try and kick this wriggly mass off of me. Who had hit me? Was it was a beast?

"Don't hurt her!" Steve's voice called through the fog that was quickly consuming me as my head kept getting knocked back into the brick wall behind us. I growled and just fought harder, getting a firm grip on this masses's possible shoulder. _Break him._ I followed the little whisper and pushed back as hard as I could. _Hes just trying to hurt you, fight. Fight harder._

I heard a satisfying pop in my hands and smiled to myself. "AGH FUCK. JESUS FUCK ME." The mass swore as it let go of my frame entirely, I was still raging but couldn't find my target as gargantuan arms and legs wrapped themselves around my own. I couldn't move and a hint of fear colored the rage. What was happening to me? _Nothing, grab him and **break** him. This is all his fault._

"Lilly, you're okay." A sorry sounding voice attempted to comfort me with soft hushes near my ear. I hated it in my soul, I hated how constricted I was as he whispered so freely. I couldn't seem to get free no matter how much I shoved and pushed at the arms and legs holding me hostage. My heat beat was echoing in my ears as I huffed harder and harder, I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe?

I blinked several times, staring in absolute fear at the face that was so close to mine. Blue eyes appeared as though he was talking to me, but I couldn't hear if he was over the sound of my heart beat. I'm going to die here. My head swiveled back to the muscular arms covered in some kind of flannel that were literally squeezing the life out of me, I couldn't get out.

I should have waited to strike at this man, this thief, this... horrible man. The amount of anger and hatred I held seemed to have finally been the cause of my death, and it was all thanks to HYDRA and this Steve Rodgers.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up to a dark room, with the only thing I could really tell was that the room I was in wasn't sealed off very well from the rest of the area I'd been taken too. I couldn't quite remember everything...Like for instance how I got to where I was, or really even where I was period.

My instincts told me to play dead but my heart seemed rather at home where I was, I knew at least I'd been given relatively nice bed sheets. These were soft and I could discern a few pillows and a blanket. So maybe this guy didn't want me dead? Or just wanted to really screw with my mind. Either one wasn't the most desirable outcome.

The most desirable would be that I'd been in my own bed with yesterday behind me entirely. I didn't want to see Steve Rodgers, or Wade, or that sleazy bar, and I probably wouldn't use the internet for a few weeks. What I didn't know, couldn't hurt me. Right? Right. People need to start taking care of themselves, for goodness sake.

"...-ow she's not normal?" I picked up an irate sounding voice as he asked a question to no one. Male. But familiar still, so I strained to listen harder.

"She's like me. Do you not get that yet?" Another man had responded but sounded kind of frustrated. Was it me? Was I the she? Who were they?

I sat up slowly as the conversation continued on. Possibly black bed sheets pooled around my waist to reveal dirty clothes in dim lighting. So I hadn't been undressed which _was_ a relief. Ruled out any sort of funny business while I wasn't all that aware. I could hear the familiar sounds of traffic and people upstairs, living their lives while they could. It was melancholic that I'd never be at that level of my life but it did mean I was still in the city.

"Yeah, kinda really obvious there, Cap. Thanks for the memo." The first man hissed, sounding annoyed. Cap? Cap. Short for...captain. Captain America?

"You shouldn't have tried to body slam her. Shes built for war, not for guys like you, trying to side swipe her." The second man hissed just as hotly as the first, though it sounded like he was defending this her.

"You know, you seemed a lot more patriotic in the movies. And smarter." The other man sounded bothered that the first wasn't agreeing with his qualms.

I slipped out of bed warily, trying to not make any noises to give me away entirely. While it seemed the bed I was in wasn't sectioned off by walls, it'd actually been sectioned off by a flimsy door. Just another pro of being a super human, I guess. I can eavesdrop.

"Those were the Talkies." The second man responded with just a touch of bitterness. I recognized the term from my time after I'd just gotten back from the Nazis and I wanted to know who exactly shared it with me. I wanted to know if there was someone like me, even if it was just a little. I didn't _quite_ think it through as I just gently pushed my way through the door to be blinded by sunlight.

"Jesus." I muttered as I rubbed my eyes out of the pain I'd caused them. I heard a chair scraping the tiled floors and groaned at the sound, it felt like a million tiny ice picks were being dug into my skull.

"Lilly. You're awake." A male spoke rather hurriedly. I blearily took in the tall, blonde, and blue eyed man in front of me whose voice I recognized to be the last one to talk out of the two I'd heard earlier. He took a step closer as I took one back rather quickly, my instincts were to be wary of this new place and they were kicking in.

"You. You're awake." I parroted back as I pulled my hands away from my eyes. It took me a second to understand that it was Steve from next door, and an even longer second for me to realize I was in his apartment as my head swiveled side to side. How? How did I keep running into this man? Did I unconsciously seek him out?

"Do...do you remember anything from last night?" He raised a brow as he slowed down his attempts to come closer to where I was standing. I appreciated as I felt my blood boiling just slightly with how stupid I'd been in the last month or so.

"Yeah, _do_ you remember snapping my shoulder blade?" The first male voice called across to me, making me notice now that Wilson was now in his kitchen. He looked grumpy, couldn't say I blamed him with his arm in a black sling. I paused in confusion as I took it all in, what was he talking about?

The images came rushing back, the surprise of knowing who this asshole was, the surprise turning into rage, and then nothing. I couldn't remember anything after I got slammed into a brick wall.

"Was it you who tried to bounce me off of a brick wall?" I raised a brow at the angry looking merc, while I crossed my arms over my chest. I was hoping this would some how job my memory a little.

"Yeah, considering you were trying to separate _his_ head from the rest of his body." Wade declared, possibly exasperated with my reaction.

"I tried explaining that you and I just aren't like him, you know?" Steve supplied hopefully with his hands wringing the back of a chair he'd rested them on. I stared at him for a good minute, wondering what on earth has possessed him to think we were anything alike.

I was completely and utterly alone, just because he got himself all hooked up didn't mean we were similar. He'd gotten the happy dose, the one that wasn't supposed to kill him. He had a noble cause and a want to do it, I was forced and held captive by the same damn people for nearly 30 years.

"Yeah, one of kind that one...because she's a fucking _psycho._ " Wade muttered the last bit, probably hoping that I wouldn't hear him talking to himself and while it bugged me, it wasn't that bad. I was kind of psycho. Being through the crap that I had been through, made me just a little crazy. Hey, I have my reasons.

"She's not..." Steve glared at Wilson as he spun back to look at the shorter man to defend me for some reason.

"Shes...she wasn't herself." He finished awkwardly, after Wade and I staring at him to finish his answer. I was taken aback to say the least...I mean I did try to kill the guy with the vengeance of an enraged dog but here he was...definitely defending me? What the hell?

I heard footsteps and froze out of my own panicked turmoil when the front door opened smoothly. Fury strolled in looking impassive yet curious all the same as he raised a brow at the new comer he'd obviously never met before. Wilson seemed to get the idea as he stared back at S.H.I.E.L.D.S newest director yet.

"Afternoon, Miss Prooms. Cap." Fury seemed rather calm despite the fact he'd walked in on an argument of sorts.

"Great, is this another fruitcake?" Wade waved towards Fury with a touch of anger in his rough gestures. I have to admit, he looked like a crazy super villain with an eye patch and a long leather trench coat.

"I don't know who you are or what the hell is going on, but I do know you don't have the clearance for this." Fury declared with might in his voice, the kind of might that really left you no choice and it seemed Wade understood this well enough. He left with mutters under his breath that would have hurt my feelings if I really had any left for him to hurt.

"Well..." I sighed, running a hand through the top of my hair out of stress. "I'll get going. Have fun chatting, you two." I started towards the door with a cheerful facade in my voice. I was really just freaking out internally, wondering if Fury knew I'd gone bat-shit crazy or if this was just a checkup for my neighbor.

"Oh, no need. I'm here for the both of you." Fury called smugly, making the hairs raise up on the back of my neck.

"Do you have a mission, sir?" Steve seemed mildly excited by that prospect as he watch Fury lean on one of the kitchen counter tops. They weren't in the best of shape, I mean they were probably clean but, they had to be as almost as old as I am.

"Sorta. Firstly, I take it you both figured out your aliases by now?" He raised a brow, looking between Steve and I. I hadn't moved from my position in front of the bedroom door but Steve was almost fully focused on Fury.

"You could say that." I sneered with sarcasm dripping off my words, I was still just a _little_ angry with him. Mainly because I'm just really good at holding grudges, I can hold a mean grudge for almost 70 years.

"Yeah...so we've got a little bit of a problem." Fury didn't seem to care too much about my remark but Steve did. He glanced back with a sadder look on his face than I'd ever seen before. I just couldn't figure out why he'd care about me after I possibly tried to maim him, well...it was more like kill him.

"The little blue ball that causes a whole lot of trouble for us and I don't like trouble. Only two people I know of that were alive and worked closely with the Tesseract are you two." Fury came closer this time, pulling a packet of files out of his pocket to hand to my neighbour. I pursed my lips at it's name and had to assume those were the debriefing files.

"Hydra's secret weapon." Steve concluded out loud as he glanced between Fury, the files, and I.

" Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you. He thought what we think, the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs." Fury continued on, nodding to Steve's conclusion before his eyes landed on me.

"You should have put it back in the ocean." I felt like grinding my teeth because I was so frustrated with this. Governments and regimes, there's always that one guy that thinks he can use something terrible for a good cause.

"Too late. Loki took it from us." Fury sighed, as he finally told us what the mission would really be. Get the tesseract back so some villain can't use it for their own purposes. Great.

"Whose Loki?" Steve raised a brow when he looked up from the papers.

"He's not from around here. There's a lot we'll have to bring you guys up to speed on if you're in. The world has gotten even stranger than you two already know." Fury sighed again, standing from his lean on the Formica counter top. That wasn't much information to go on but I guessed more would be discussed in the debriefing packets. The leaders of S.H.I.E.L.D brought me one every few decades or so to see if I'd been interested in it...I never was.

"I don't know if thats possible anymore." Steve muttered, mainly to himself as he looked back down at the page he was on. I snorted at that, it was easily possible. Steve had to be taught how to use most basic electronic things, just wait till he saw what the Tesseract could do.

"Well...maybe not for her but 10 bucks says you're wrong." Fury smirked at this as Steve came closer to him with one hand cradling the papers and the other poised to shake his hand.

"You're on." Steve stuck his out entirely to shake Fury's as I watched with silent mirth. Fury seemed to find it funny too, snorting as he shook the man's hand.


	15. Chapter 15

The door didn't slam behind Fury, despite how dramatic the man looked on a daily basis, but it left us in silence. An awkward silence. I let my head hang down into my hands out of this odd tired feeling, I can't remember the last time I actually felt this tired. It was rare.

"How are you feeling?" Steve's gentle voice echoed in this near empty apartment. Mine was filled with odd things, a single forgotten sock from a year ago under the sofa, stacks of DVD's I didn't put back in their cases, piles of books I read and then a few more piles of books I never got around to reading. It was home enough for me but this place seemed more like a camp site for him.

"Why didn't you ever decorate?" I deflected, picking my head up to look at the single bulb in his kitchen. There weren't any dirty plates in the sink, no silverware left out by accident. Not even a single colour outside of the black and white theme that was already in place by the landlord.

"Oh, I...don't really know. Just never got around to it, I guess." Steve shrugged as he continued to flip through the papers, he seemed unsure at this point. Unsure of me or unsure of how _he_ felt or just unsure of the mission, I didn't know. I stood there for maybe a minute longer before I nodded to myself.

"Right, well. Great chatting with you, I'm off." I gave him a half-assed salute as I passed him on my way towards his front door. I'm really just not dealing with this, it wasn't worth even a quarter of the hassle and I wouldn't have even began to in the first place if I'd have known. Funny how things turn out differently when you know more about the other person, isn't it?

"Lilly, wait! I wanted to talk..." Steve's voice made it seem like it was supposed to be obvious that he'd just been waiting for the perfect moment to chat with me.

"No." I deadpanned as I turned to watch his face contort into frustration.

"But-" He started again, trying to have this damned conversation yet again.

"No." I shut him down one more time as I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to try again. I raised a brow as he pressed his lips into a thin line, maybe his patience wasn't as deep as I'd originally thought? He seemed a bit like Jesus in that way, kind, gentle, understanding, and always so compassionate.

"Lillian Agatha Prooms." He called my entire time name with annoyance as he stuck one hand on his hip. I felt my mouth drop open at that, no one knew my middle name. What the hell?

"We're going to just talk, I'm not trying to hurt you or get back at you for trying to hurt me yesterday, okay? All I want to do is talk to the one other person who might have some clue about what I'm going through." His voice was penetrating, sharp but not to the point that he was trying to intimidate me. Rather it seemed he just wanted my attention and he had it entirely at this point.

"Well talk then." My voice on the other hand, was wobbly. I was a bit nervous that he knew my middle name and even dared to call me by it so I'd stop and listen.

"I..." He didn't seem to know what else to say outside of that, so I waited.

"You're the only other person that knows what I went through to be like this. You...were the only person that didn't know who I was and you were still yourself even when you found out." He started, apparently he'd found the words he wanted to use to communicate why he figured we should be besties.

"Yeah. I guess. Except you're _kinda_ forgetting how I was kidnapped for about 30 years? Remember that? You probably don't. You were off living the high life, fighting for your country. _Entertaining."_ I ground out the words out as I became more and more infuriated that he felt we were so freaking similar when we were absolutely nothing alike.

"Oh and wait, there was also that whole part about you _wanting_ to be shot up with that poison. I was dragged out of a workhouse, to be tested on. Wasn't even supposed to live, Cap." I dragged his nickname out to make sure it was sarcastic enough for him to get the message. I was gaining more and more speed and bitterness with my rant.

"You on the other hand," Now I pointed a finger at him roughly, mainly because I wasn't daring enough to come closer enough to poke him with it.

"You're the golden boy, a finished work of fucking _art_. I was the fuck-up that shouldn't have existed and you're the apple-pie, rosy-cheeked, cherub everyone was hoping for!" Yelling, I threw my hands up in the air and let them fall hard enough to audibly slap my thighs when they fell. I could feel furious tears threatening to pool in my eyes. I'm too tired for this BS.

"Lilly..." He started, looking conflicted but sorry at the same time as he came closer.

"Oh my god, just go away." I hissed hoarsely at him and practically ran for the door. I didn't really want him, of all people, to see me cry angry tears. It didn't happen all the time but when I got angry enough, I cried and I cried _hard_. I mean deep chested wails, and the stuffed nose too boot.

I made it in a dash to my apartment while I pushed the door open easily, I ended up slamming the door shut behind me with little regard as to the yelling Steve Rodgers behind me. Stupid asshole, got me worked up enough to cry and I hate crying. It was a mess and I looked awful for hours afterwards.

I shuffled to the bedroom and crawled under the covers quickly, hoping to just go back to sleep but...I couldn't. My senses kept trying to kick start me, to tell me something was off about this place but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was when I realised that I'd slept for about a day and had work in about an hour that I actually skipped out of bed and tried to speedily get ready.

The tears and the frustration had to wait while I focused back on my regular life, the one that I was relatively okay with. Comfortable even.

* * *

"What do you mean I've resigned?" I sputtered looking at the empty desk that used to be mine as well as Clara's confused face.

"I don't know! Thats just what they told me this morning when I came in." She exclaimed, crossing her arms as she inspected the empty desk as well. I had one idea as to who'd done this and he was also the only man I knew to have terrible depth perception.

"That motherfucker." I muttered as I breathed in deeply. He was determined I'd participate in this, didn't seem like I had another choice anymore. The people who were involved in my life, seemed to also be the sources of annoyance in my life but at least Thomas wasn't here today right?

"What?" Clara raised a brow as she looked at me with curiosity. She probably didn't hear me, just saw my lips move.

"Nothing, I...I just need to go home. I think." I sighed dejectedly, rubbing my temples with my pointer fingers to somehow de-stress myself. That was it, I guess. I had to now fight for another stupid government that didn't know how to handle itself.

"I would too. I thought you just bailed on me without a word. I was _pissed,_ boy." She shook her head, straight hair floated back down to her shoulders easily, but I could still smell her shampoo despite the distance. I'll never get over being able to smell people this in-depth.

"Never." I forced a grin at her and went in for a hug. She was soft and I had to remind myself to be gentle with her, it was odd but I'd never really needed to remind myself in the past. I felt like my brain had been almost entirely rearranged somehow, like the little cabinets I'd stored memories and ideas were switched.

"I'd always tell you if I were leaving." I squeezed her gently and let her go, she seemed comforted by my actions if nothing else.

"I felt like you would but it was just so shocking to see all your little knickknacks gone over a weekend." She sighed, nodding to herself.

"What kind of Granny would I be if I didn't have my knickknacks?" I grinned, this time actually feeling it as I recalled the number of little things that sat around my computer. Bouncy balls, small clay figures, to Vivian's suffragette pin, all had sat at various heights. She'd never actually inscribed her name on it, she just simply wore it at the base of her throat in nearly every protest or outing of hers.

"True. Get home and get some rest. I'll ask around and see if I can find anything out about your position still being open. Maybe it was just a mistake?" She seemed hopeful and I nodded, encouraging her despite the fact that I knew it wasn't a mistake. It was on purpose and it was final until the blue cube had been returned back to America for yet another villain to take it for themselves.

* * *

Home is meant to be where the heart is, so why did my home feel so empty? No, not empty. It felt wrong. Like it'd been touched by someone who shouldn't have, invaded even, but I couldn't actually see anything out of place. Steve was quiet today as well. I couldn't actually hear him in his apartment, telling me he was probably out or something but I could hear his laundry machine rolling clothes around.

I guess even super humans had to do laundry. He was lucky enough to have a washer in his apartment, though I'd never really paid attention to it before. I apparently didn't pay attention to a lot of things, like the fact that I'd flirted with the guy who stole my kill decades ago. Just didn't connect the dots somehow. I don't even know how I can be this ignorant, honestly. I was just looking for something else to focus on because the more I sat at my kitchen table, the more something felt wrong here.

It was just my issues from the wars but I figured I'd checked everything anyways, just for a sound mind. The kitchen was pretty easy to check, none of the cabinet's could fit a 7 year old child, much less an adult. The pantry, was iffy but I'd moved enough brooms and old mops around to figure no one could be in there.

Then came the living room, a daunting task by itself, thanks to my curtains, couch, coffee table, and the shelves where my DVD's were supposed to go. There was nothing here either so I spent some time putting DVD's back into their cases and back onto the shelves, a menial task that still took up a lot of my though processes right now. After I was done there, I peeked under the coffee table's lid. There was no one in the box, just blankets and pillows I didn't like. Next came under the couch, nothing there either. Not even my sock.

The fact that my sock _wasn't_ under there was odd but I let it go, I probably vacuumed it up by accident at one point. Standing, I gave myself a moment to stretch slowly like I wasn't all that nervous right now, like my heart wasn't about to thunder out of my chest. The bathroom was going to be checked next because I needed to build up the courage to check my bedroom.

Tiled floors and walls didn't leave much room for hiding with how reflective they were. A toilet, shower, and sink all looked back at my nervous face with the utmost innocence. The was nothing amiss here either. Not even the laundry basket had moved a inch on top of the toilet lid where I'd left it a few days ago now. I guess this left the bedroom for me to check.

I flipped on the bedroom light and tried to force myself to take a step over the threshold, to get inside the room. I was honestly scared. Scared wasn't something I did, really. It'd been pushed out of me after years and years of ruthlessness, so why was I so afraid to step into my own bedroom?


End file.
